my last update for the evening
Well, today has been interesting. I ended up going out to dinner to IHOP with my mom and my sister, and then coming bck to the house(their house) to watch Finding Nemo. Wow is it a good movie!! I havn't finished it though, I figure its got about another 30-45 minutes to go–my mom and I will finish it tomorrow. Also, I decided since Mike has my car and is working tonight, I might as well just go ahead and sleep here. it'll be just like the good old times. LOL! Those of you who know me who what I'm refering to (read:father is evil!) Anyway, I'm going to head off to bed. I get to go to work tommorrow from 5-close, and since it's halloween, I know it'll be busy and I need my sleep. tally ho and all that good stuff,
~~Nick~~
ps: forgettable fact–a duck's “quack” does not echo, and no one knows why.
Something I found on my website…
What follows is something I found on my website (www.ztug.net) that has been there for a very long time, but I thought that maybe by posting it on here, more people might read it and benefit from it. It was written by a friend of mine.
What is the greatest struggle for one who loves Christ? If it’s not everyones, it sure is mine. My greatest struggle, I would have to say, is self denial. How can I walk in the love of God if I’m so full of self. God’s love is selfless. He laid down His own life for us. How great of power belong to the one who can say with all truth, “I was crucified with Christ.” A complete death in Christ only means a complete resurrection in Christ into the fullness of life. A fulfilled life can’t come without a fulfilled death. We all must be able to say just as our Lord did: “It is finished!”. All the worrying…”it is finished”. All the cares….”it is finished”. My boy problems…”it is finished”. My girl problems…”it is finished..I’M DONE!”.
Sometimes I get so irritated and worried because of things in life. And when I do, I know I need to go to the cross because my flesh is not fully dead…my death is not fulfilled. You see, you can’t bother a dead man. No matter what you throw at him, he lays still. Why? Because he’s dead! Pretty simple, huh? It actually is. Remember now, you cannot live a fulfilled life until you first come to a fulfilled death – death to self that is. How long will you waver? We must die daily. Dying to self is a decision that will be tested. It’s not a process. To say it is a process is to make an excuse for your wavering and staggering faith (confidence, full trust) in God. As easy as you can get up to get a drink when you are thirsty, you CAN die to yourself. To live is Christ, to die is gain. If you don’t have peace and your life is not fulfilled, try dying. You see…God is not trying to improve us. He’s trying to remove us. No one can live this life better than He can. After all, He’s the maker of life.
When you allow Him to live in you and through you, He has your best interests at heart. If you think for one moment that God is out to curse you, you certainly do not serve the God I serve. It was His intention to bless you and all of mankind since the beginning. In other words, He wants to hook you up. Look in the Book of Genesis. After He made man, it says that He BLESSED them. Notice how He didn’t try to kill them. Base your life on this Kingdom principle and you will begin to find fulfillment in all you do on this earth.
All of self…none of God
Less of self…more of God
None of self…ALL OF GOD!
May The Lord bless you and keep you as you sincerely seek His face!
Blah Blah Blah
OK, so I have no idea why I'm posting an update right now. Today is my second(and last) day off work the week, and I've pretty much done nothing. Well, not nothing, just nothing productive.
Lets see….I slept in late(well, tried to) But only because I kept being woken up by mexicans pounding on my roof. I then went over to my parents' house and unloaded the dishwasher and dropped off my pre-street movies. I played with the dogs and then went home. I'll probably end up going back over there–if not tonight then definately tommorrow–my mom and I are planning on Finding Nemo.
I then came home and downloaded/printed off the NCU application. I created a file for it, and started filling it out. I then decided to take a break and update you all on what I've been doing all day. Fun, fun, fun.
At least now I'm listening to WPER online. It'll relax me a little. I gotta start reading some books though. I have all these books from NCU and VFCC–I'll probabl;y starting reading some, learn something that I haven't yet known. 
OK, so I'm gonna go. I'll end up updating later, I promise.
~~Nick~~
ps: remember, if any of you all want to send me money, my college “fundrasier” is still going on!
My King (by S. M. Lockridge)
My King was born King. The Bible says He’s a Seven Way King. He’s the King of the Jews – that’s a racial King. He’s the King of Israel – that’s a National King. He’s the King of righteousness. He’s the King of the ages. He’s the King of Heaven. He’s the King of glory. He’s the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that’s my King. Well I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don’t try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament show His handiwork. My King is the only one whom there are no means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore of supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. Well, well, He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere. He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s imperially powerful. He’s impartially merciful. That’s my King. He’s God’s Son. He’s the sinner’s savior. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He’s honest. He’s unique. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He’s supreme. He’s pre-eminent. Well, He’s the grandest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He’s the supreme problem in high criticism. He’s the fundamental doctrine of proved theology. He’s the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That’s my King. He’s the miracle of the age. He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. Well, He’s the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He’s strong God and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory. He’s the master of the mighty. He’s the captain of the conquerors. He’s the head of the heroes. He’s the leader of the legislatures. He’s the overseer of the overcomers. He’s the governor of governors. He’s the prince of princes. He’s the King of kings and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King. Yeah. Yeah. That’s my King. My King, yeah. His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Well. I wish I could describe Him to you, but He’s indescribable. He’s indescribable. Yes. He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. I’m coming to tell you, the heavens of heavens cannot contain Him, let alone a man explaining Him. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hands. You can’t outlive Him and you can’t live without Him. Well, Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilot couldn’t find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him. That’s my King. Yeah. Praise the Lord. That’s my King. Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We’re around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but it’s God’s power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? And ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you get through with all of the evers, then, Amen.
~~S. M. Lockridge
I’m all right
I played the fool today
And I can see us vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I’ve buried in you
I’m all right
It only hurts when I breathe
I can’t ask for things to be still again
I can’t ask for you to offer the world through your eyes
Longing for home again
But home is a feeling I’ve buried in you
I’m all right
It only hurts when I breathe
My window through which nothing hides and everything sings
I’m counting the signs and cursing the miles in between
I’m all right
I’m all right
I’m all right
It only hurts when I breathe
The Calling
I remember once when I was in Bible College we had to write a paper about the call of God on our lives. You know that calling that God puts on our lives that matters most. There was a different answer for each person in that classroom. Many callings sounded the same at first glance, yet each rang with a distinct difference–each person had a passion; a longing; a burden for someone or something. And God had placed that passion; that longing; that burden; in their hearts.
I remember our paper was supposed to be three pages in length, and that mine was only a little less than a page. I couldn’t get very far past my opening general calling:“to know Jesus and make him known.” The reason I didn’t receive an “A” was because my calling was too short. Looking back I kind of laugh at that, how can a person’s calling be too short? Any calling that God gives a person is a great thing. I still remember my specific calling. It has been a while since I have given it thought, but it has always been on the backburner of my mind: to become a CE Pastor of a church and teach people about God. Granted, You don’t have to be a pastor to teach people about God, but I know God wants to use me in that capacity.
I’ve always had thing passion to teach, when I was younger I wanted to become a teacher–I vaguely remember being taught by someone that ignorance is never an excuse. When I became old enough to understand the things of God and the Bible it seemed only natural to want to teach to others what I had learned.
I remember one night after a youth service I was praying about what to do after I graduated high school, and a friend of mine came up behind me and started praying for me silently. After we had finished praying, he looked at me and told me that he saw me teaching people in a church. I really liked the sound of that. I had been struggling with that to do with my life after high school, and my friend, without even knowing about my struggle, had provided a solution. It could have been just a coincidence, but I took it as providence. Since that time God has greatly increased my desire to teach, as well as to learn. I read constantly, wanting to learn as much as I can. I listen to sermons whenever I’m online (God bless whoever invented the internet) in order to gain some insight from a Bible passage I might not have thought of before.
I remember explaining to my youth pastor one day what I felt God had called me to do. I remember telling him something like “Its great we go into other countries and tell people about Jesus, but someone has to be there to disciple them once we leave” He kind of laughed and told me he’d never really heard of anyone being called to be a Christian Education Pastor before. That startled me. Evangelism is great, but if no teaching, no learning, no discipleship happens once the evangelist leaves, then what good is it? It’s like leaving a baby in the world forest with no provisions and telling them to fend for themselves.
I don’t want to do that. I want to teach people, disciple people. My mom describes everything that happens in life as a learning experience. What better learning experience is there than to spend time with and learn about the Creator and Savior of the Universe?
As I am typing this I feel anxious–I wish I was already back in Bible college learning from those who know more and have walked farther in their Christian life. This isn’t the first time I felt this way. In high school I wished I could have just graduated early–not to just be done with school, but to hurry up and get to the schooling that mattered to me–those classes that would teach me the things about the Bible and about God that I didn’t know.
Back to my calling: Looking back on that class, I guess I could have elaborated on what I felt God wanted me to do with my life. If I could do it all again I probably would. What matters to me most–knowing Jesus and making him known. That’s the most important learning experience a person can have. It’s an experience I want to share with as many people as I can.
Another College Update.
OK, so heres my plan:
1.Consolidate all current student loans as much as possible(down to hopefully one or two)
2.Convince my parents(my mom is done, all I need to do now is convince my dad)to let me live with them from March 2004 til whenever I go to college(I'm shooting for AUG2004, but thinking probably JAN2005) for only about 200$ a month(that way I don't have to pay very much compared to now and I can save more)
3. Sell practically everything I own that I won't need/use for college(If you want any of my stuff, make me an offer and we'll seen what happens)
4.Complete the NCU application(I gotta actually get in before I can move to MN!!)
5.Subpoint under 4–get Breena to help me write the letter of explanation dealing with the separation/divorce(NCU needs this letter before I can get in, and I figure if I have Breena write the letter with me, it will have more clout)
6.Complete and send in the FAFSA(So I can get financial aid. I'm planning on using TMS again, which is a program where I can pay for college year by year in 10 monthly installments, but I still need some grant/money I don't have to pay back/loans to help me make it through)
7.Save every single penny I earn, and do odd jobs as much as possible to earn more money
8.Go to college, study hard, work hard, and finally earn my degree
Letter of Love
Dear friend, I’ve been thinking about you lately
Wondering how you’ve been getting by
I have the feeling that you are hurting
Something’s telling me inside
These words are coming down from heaven
I hope they’ll make you realize
There’s so much love He has for you
More than you can comprehend
He is standing at the door
He’s hopin’ you will let Him in
He can wipe away your tears
Give you strength to carry on
Through these hard and painful days
He will help you find your way
Find your way back home
In this letter of love
Dear friend, I wish that you were with me
Words come easy eye to eye
But since the distance separates us
Let Him hold you when you cry
There’s so much love He has for you
And a peace you can’t describe
So that’s why I’m pouring out my heart
On this page you’re reading now
What I have I give to you
I can’t keep it all inside
Like a river to the sea
His love is flowing out of me
the love of Christ I share with you
In this letter of love
In this letter of love I’m writing to you
I pray you’ll make peace with God
and start anew
If you would give him your heart
Your life would change
He’s reaching out
Yes, God has open arms for you…
In this letter of love
Dear friend, I’ve been thinking about you lately
Wondering how you’ve been getting by
Dear friend, for you I am praying
That you’ll accept the love of Christ
Dear friend
My friend
College
Well, I'm looking into going back to NCU–it will be difficult, because I still have so many school loans, and I haven't been to church in like, forever, but I am sure that if I am open and honest about everything, then they will accept me.
The path for my life has not been traveled in so long its time to step out the lawn mower and mow away all the grass and shrubble thats been blocking me from walking (and running) on it. The only thing in my way of returning to NCU is what they'll say when they hear I'll be divorced. But you know what? Even if they won't credential/ordain me, I can still earn my degree and do something with it.
I talked with my mom, and she says that if I decide to go back to college this next fall, she will talk to dad and maybe I can live at home (since the lease is up in march and its renew term is one year)
I'm excited, especially because living at home (even with all its evils) will allow me to save up alot more money for college because I won't have to pay for the evils of rent and utilities.
Anyway, Tomorrow Mom, Mike, and I are going to Maryland to visit Pastor Bob's church. I haven't been to church in so long, but I think this is a step in the right direction.
I don't know what else to say, um.. everyone go download “free” by Steven Curtis Chapman. Its been so long since I heard that song but it is one of my favorites. I”m also listening to Heavy Rain right now.
Ok, so I need to get going. Alot of stuff to do/alot of stuff to pray about. You pray too.
My oh so wonderful 24 hour work day
SO everyone remember how i was supposed to close on wednesday night? Well, after i closed the store, i went home like usual, only to find that i had lost the key to the apartment. So, figuring it was at my jacket back at work, I drive back to work only to find that my kay isn't there! well, not knowing where else to go I stay in the store and work on Ultimate Confection. Well, I also opened the store today, and didn't leave until 6.15pm. Thats over 24 straight hours of work. And now I am home, and I have to open the store tomorrow.
Pray for me.
I'm tired. I need to go take a nap and work out all this evil stuff with Breena. Oh how I woo the day she came into my life. Mike is making a song about her and I. Maybe when he is done I'll post it on here
well, everyone go check out http://www.ztug.net it's the new updated version of ZTUG Online.
Gotta run, be cool, be good, and stay out of trouble.
Well, this day sucks
Well, so far, this day sucks. I rented this really stupid pre-street movie, I thought it was going to be this cool horror flick but it was crap.
Then I read on Breena's journal that she went out with someone last night, and that “some things were cleared up and I am just a really happy girl” Shes never fucking happy. Then when I asked her about who she went with, she said that it didn't matter, so ofcourse I shoot back with, “well, if it doesn't matter then tell me” We went back and forth and eventually I hung up on her, cause lets face it, shes the bitch that ruined my life and we all know it. And to think I was even rented “Legally Blond 2″ pre-street just so I could give it to her to watch.
oh well, plenty more fish in the sea (but then again, who wants to date and marry a fish?!?!?)
And I still have no money. Thank God for my mom, who I think called me this morning, and who I think said she'd pay for gas for my car(I say think because I was sleeping and everything is a haze) I'll probably end up going over there for some food too. How sad. PLus, my firstmark loan is overdue by 15 days, and its been added to this month's bill, so including late fees, I have like 150$ due to them like 2 weeks ago or my credit will suck.
To top it all off Ultimate Confection came in this morning, Dennis had to change the schedule so I can't go to Firepower tonight, and he wants me to come in earlier than 4pm(which I'm not going to do)
And I think we all know that this wouldn't have happened if I had stuck to my plan and went back to NCU after one semester.
Ergo, vi-sa-vi, concordantly!!!!!!
“Ergo, you open your yapper one more time and I'm a architect a world of pain on your candy ass!”
Finally the day has ended!
OK, so I know that technically it's already tomorrow (seeing how its 1.21 in the morning) but I pretty much just got home from work. Lemme tell you how my day went!!
so, I ended up getting to the conference center at 6.50am and literally walking around the entire building complex(its a big complex) for 3 whole hours!!! Let me tell you, it really sucked! After that, training was fine, thank God my mom slipped 10$ into my wallet, or I would not have been able to eat anything, because this time around there was no food (last time I went they had good food)
Melissa picked me up right on time and then we proceeded to wait for Graig to show up. While we were waiting I found out from my dad that the thermostat in my car is broken (I'll have to replace it, this will make the second time I've gone out and bought a new one) So my dad took out the thermostat and even though the car is running “free” now, at least it isn't over heating.
So finally Graig showed up and Melissa and I drove back home, where she talked the entire way about Justin. Once we got to Manassas she bought me some food at McDonald's (thank you sis!) and then we finished driving home where I said hello and goodbye to my mom and drove to work in my kinda-fixed car.
Once at work all went fine. I think the new training is going to help me alot. I'm home now (obviously) and I am very tired. Breena called me a couple times at work to chat, and left a few answering machine messages. Maybe I'm finally wearing her down enough for her to take me back. LOL!
well, sleep is calling me, and since I have to work tomorrow 4-close, I might as well answer.
My car is possessed
well, today has been a day! My car didn't even make it from gainesville back to my parents' house without overheating. Tommorrow I'm scheduled to go to sterling–I can't even make it there by myself! I'm having my sister take me and drop me off, then I'm having her pick me up once it's over. Now, I'm supposed to close my store from 8-12 tomorrow as well. What I've decided is that when my dad gets home I'll have him look at my car and try to fix it while I'm still in sterling, and hopefully, once I get home, the car will be ok enough for me to drive to Gainesville and back. I love my car, but oh how I hate it as well. I've decided to start a livejournal “save my car” fund. Basically how it works is that everyone who reads this should commit to sending me 10$ a week for as long as they can. Thats only 40$ a month! If enough people do it for enough time, I'll have enough money to not only fix my car, but hopefully to put a down payment on another one! (ok, so not really, all I want is enough money to really really fix up my old car) So what do you say? Hopefully you'll commit and do it! If you need to know where to send the money, please email me at nick@ztug.net
Well, I gotta get to bed now, I know its early, but my sister leaves the house at 6am!! (thats means I'll get to the meetings by 7am, a full 3 hours before they start! Oh well, better than being late!)
ta ta for now!
My final day off
Well, today is my final day off until Sunday. I must say, the past 3 days have been a complete waste. I have done nothing. And.. thats exactly what I wanted to do. And better yet, today is just starting out, so thats even better.
Unfortunatly, tomorrow I have to work at sterling from 10-6(training) and then close the store from 8-12. Then wednesday Ultimate Confection is scheduled to be put in at my store, and since I work 9-5, I'll be one of the first ones to see what it looks like.
Hey! Breena got a livejournal too! her name is under breenaclark if anyone wants to go read the rantings of my soon to be ex-wife(her choice, not mine)
OK, so its noon-thirty and I'll probably end up going back to sleep for a little while. Eventually I have to wake up because I have to go by my 'rents house and pick up my pre-street and drop them off at work.
Whelpers, I best be going. We all know I'll end up doing another update in a little while, so hopefully you all can survive until then.
I am teaching Mike right now
OK, so this isn't really an update, but I got Mike a livejournal and I'm showing him how to use it.
a saturday to remember
Well, I worked today. 9-5. I missed my brother's wedding. From what I heard it was a hoot! The I went home, let my friends borrow my car, and got picked up by Levi to go to Daniel's birthday party at this cool japanesse resturant. Happy birthday daniel!!
Ok, so now I'm at this cool internet cafe having fun online and playing games.
I need a vacation. and a new life. lol! I sound so depressed. I think what I need is just a nice long sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately. Not really sure whey, just haven't been sleeping. And I have to open tomorrow. 9-5. and i open on monday, tuesday, and wednesday. I think I close on thursday, close on friday. The I have sat. and sunday off. Oh Joy. Course, it could be worse–tonight was inventory night at Blockbuster. Not really sure what to say in this update. But now the days grow short, I'm in the autumn of the year. And I think it's time I take a rest, smell the roses, and go on a really long road trip. MN sounds nice. Theres a bridge in downtown Minneapolis I havent visited in a long time…
Foster and his book.
so tomorrow I work 9-5. My brother's wedding is at noon. Whoops, too bad I can't go to it. Oh well. I am bored and tired. I need to get away from it all. The discipline of Solitude, right Foster? Anyway, come what may, right? Mike got his tongue pierced. I should go get a helix piercing on my left ear. I probably will one day. I need to go back to church. Too bad I feel so ashamed over everything that has happened with Breena. That's something I need to just get over. I just don't understand how something that good could go that bad. Where is the Love? I thought she was the one, but in the end I find I'm losing my religion. I need a girl, someone to wake me up inside. LOL, ok, so that was just a list of sings that have been downloaded to my computer. Pretty cool how I add them in like that, huh?
I'm bored and tired, but I think I already said that. I'm sad. I wish I was back at NCU, and the past 3 years never happened. Either at NCU or in the Matrix. One of those….yeah.
It's been a mess of a year…
When I was seventeen it was a very good year
It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights
We'd hide from the lights on the village green
When I was seventeen
When I was twenty-one it was a very good year
It was a very good year for city girls who lived up the stairs
With all that perfumed hair and it came undone
When I was twenty-one
Then I was thirty-five it was a very good year
It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls
Of independent means, we'd ride in limousines their chauffeurs would drive
When I was thirty-five
But now the days grow short, I'm in the autumn of the year
And now I think of my life as vintage wine from fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs, and it poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year
It was a mess of good years
Help me pay rent!
