Ok ending to the night, and listened to one new song!

Well, Stargate was awesome! (It was a new episode) I really hope to get the series on dvd one day. Anyway, I’m about to head off to bed–but one last note: I went to watch that Naruto episdoe that downloaded, and it wasn’t Naruto at all! All that time and I had to delete it and start anew. LOL.
Hey, I went on Launchcast after my previous update for the day, and listened to a pretty damn cool song. I’ve included the lyrics below. Oh, and if anyone is wondering, it’s not directed towards Sabrina at all. LOL.
Here it is!

Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you,
Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you

As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I’d die too,
I’d die too

You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does

We’ll make the same mistakes
I’ll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do

Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We’ll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we’ll say, “remember when”
Just like we always do

Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you

Yeah I’d spill my heart,
Yeah I’d spill my heart for you

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes

Until the day I die
I’ll spill my heart for you, for you

Until the day i die
I’ll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day i die
I’ll spill my heart for you

Until the day i die
Until the day I die

I'm probably playing right into her hands, but…

Ok, so I just emailed someone the following, and I’m posting it below partly cause I’m too lazy to re-type it all out, and partly cause well, I really don’t want to think about it or I’ll wanna go get mad drunk and sleep with hookers.(hey, wait a minute, maybe I do wanna think about it some more! LOL!)
At any rate, heres the email.

Wanna know what I just found out?
Breena has been cheating on me, the entire time. So she called me today when I was at work, and so I called her back, and ofcourse I was being funny(think immature) and just playing around with the phone, and we were talking and I asked who was there and she was like, no one. Then she was all like, I’m going to the movies tonight, so I have to leave and then go make dinner. Well, I pressed her about who she was going with, and she said no one, and ofcourse I didn’t believe her, cause I thought she was probably going with Paul(we all remember Paul, don’t we?)
Well, we(I say we alot because Levi was in the room with me, and also cause I like to think of myself as more than one person; 2 or 3 persons, chillin and having fun. You know, Me, myself, and I, LOL!) hung up and then I kept calling back to her voicemail, you know, playing round, leaving messages and whatnot.(in the voice of Handsome Rob, from Italian Job, only more sadistic. Is that the right word? I think not. Maybe nasty, or naughty, might be the right word, LOL!) Well, I call back again and guess who answers her phone? This guy named Paul, who everyone suspected of her cheating on me with. (he was even in the apartment alone with her with all the lights off save my bedroom back when her and I were not separated) So he was like, “I listened to the messages you left her” and I said, so? Lemme talk to breena, and he was like, no, and i said why not. Well, eventually I got pissed and hung up, then Levi called and said some funny little “paul is going to die messages(I say funny cause he was making nosies, laughing, and sounded like a little 2 year old who didn’t really know what he was talking about. then I called back and very nicely(I’m serious now) told her that him being there even proved that she was cheating on me.
At first, I didn’t really care, but thinking bout it more, we’re not even divorced yet.
Do you think I’m making a big deal about this? I mean, you think I’m mad/upset because I’m not seeing anyone right now, or because I know shes seeing the guy who, in all honestly, was probably the reason she left me? You all know me better than most, so I thought you might have some insight.
I think I’m just frustrated because, even though we all knew she was cheating on me, shes never really gone so far as to actually leave physical proof that he was with her alone. And now that she has her own apartment, She can do what she wants. You know, I didn’t really want to fall into the whole “Jealous ex husband role” Sad. I thought I was above that, dang it! I Need to try harder to be a better man! Actually, I should try harder and become a Ninja. I could name myself Naruto. Ofcourse, I’d have no creativity cause thats already been done, but I wouldn’t care, I’d have mad ninja skills, LOL!
I don’t know; don’t really expect a response from you, Just thanks for listening.(or at least reading the first 2 lines of this email and pretending that I didn’t write anymore)
Thanks for listening. I’ll probably post this on my livejournal, that way I don’t have to type it all out again.
bye for now.

ok, so thats it. Kinda like my update for the evening, at least til I watch the latest Episode of Naruto and see how way awesome it is! Corse, I always have Dark Angel to watch too. Choices, Choices, Choices.

I'm on lunch right now…

Ok, so I'm at work right now, taking my one hour lunch. And I'm on the internet! how cool is that? I know, might not seem like too much for you people who always access the internet while at work, but for me this is way cool. So, as you can see I'm updating my journal right now. Not too much to say, except that work is really cool–once I caught onto stuff it's become more enjoyable. If I'm lucky I'll be able to get my paycheck today when I leave (I'm off at 7pm)
Course, I can't do anything about it til Saturday(I work tomorrow 8-5) So it's not like it really matters. Hopefully I'll be able to put in my direct deposit request on the work computers today, so I won't have to deal with weekly checks.
I'm tired. I'm glad I'm at lunch right now, even though I didn't bring anything with me to eat. I still have pizza at home though.–Which reminds me! I really need to save money. I've decided that out of every paycheck I get(I get them every week now, instead of the bi-weekly i got at blockbuster) I'm going to transfer 20$ into my savings. If I start this friday, assuming i don't touch any money whatsoever, I'll have 980$ saved up! That means that if something weird happens, I'll definitely have enough money to pay off(and get rid of) the one and only credit card I have. Yeah for me!
Ok, so I guess I better get going. I have some major relaxing to do before I return to work!
Ciao!

Smallville is on

It's a great episode
Not much to say.
I should add Kelly Clarkson to my future marriages list.
Theres nothing really exciting to do.
I have to work tomorrow.
sad.

The "Sad Love Songs" Playlist

Ok, so here is the playlist!!

1. “I Showed Her” By O-Town
2. “Yesterday’s Letter” By 98 Degrees
3. “Nobody Knows” by Tony Rich Project
4. “Sometimes” By Britney Spears
5. “Here Without You” By 3 Doors Down
6. “Come What May” By Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
7. “My Immortal” By Evanescence
8. “I Swear” By Westlife
9. “A Puro Dolor” By Son by Four
10. “Breathe” By Greenwheel

Comments? Suggestions? You all know where to find me.

Sometimes (the latest addition to my Sad Love Songs Playlist)

You tell me you’re in love with me
Like you can’t take your pretty eyes away from me
It’s not that I don’t want to stay
But every time you come too close I move away

I wanna believe in everything that you say
‘Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There’s things about me you just have to know

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I’m scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

I don’t wanna be so shy
Every time that I’m alone I wonder why
Hope that you will wait for me
You’ll see that you’re the only one for me

I wanna believe in everything that you say
‘Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There’s things about me you just have to know

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I’m scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

Come just hang around and you’ll see
There’s nowhere I’d rather be
If you love me, trust in me
the way that I trust in you

my life is turning around!!

Ok, so today has been a great day!!
Because of the recent problems with my car, my parents decided to surprise me with an early birthday present(My birthday isn't until May) and bought me a car! It's a 1996 Mercury Sable. it is way awesome! Course, the title is in my dad's name, and ofcourse, he put all these rules and stipulations on using it, but I'm not letting that bring me down cause guess what?!?! I have a new car! yeah for me!
Not only that, but when I got home I had a message from CostCo(they have an opening in their meat department) and the manager wants to interview me!
And, to top it off, I got an email from Primerica and once I give them my daytime phone number hes going to call me to set up an interview!
All this great news in one day! Who would have thought??
Anyway, I'm listening to my sad love songs playlist again, but I gotta go–lots of Dark Angel to watch!!

My future Marriages

Ok, partly because people keep asking about them, and partly because I sometimes forget who is on the list and who isn’t(and which order) I’ll go ahead and name off all my marriages(both present and future) Any reccomendations? You know where to find me
1.Sabrina (duh)
2.Mandy Moore (I like her singing and I fell in love with AWTR)
3.Kristen Dunst (I think I read somewhere shes been in like, a gazillion movies…mmm rich!)
4.Jessica Alba (I always known her as a shampoo girl for tv commercials….but yay Dark Angel!)
5.Stacie Orrico (Shes a really inspiring Christian Artist. I keep having dreams where she askes me out and I turn her down. I have no idea why…)
6.Ashley Scott (yay for another Dark Angel star and for..dun dun dun… Bird of Prey!)
7.Ashlee Simpson (she may be a slut, but at least shes not as stupid as her sister)

Ofcourse, you notice these are all famous people(except for #1, but hey, I can’t really change that one, now can I?)
I do have a list of “regular” people I’d like to marry, but I think I’ll keep that list to myself, LOL!
Course, I could be lying about the second list, just to get a rise out of people, you never know…

It's been a while-quick update

–The fan belt in my car has been fixed, except now there are more problems with it. I left my car at my parents' house for my dad to look at. Jb is taking me to work tonight.
–I just finished Season one of Dark Angel.
–I created a “sad love songs” playlist in my Windows Media Player-I'm listening to it now.
–I'm still waiting on episodes 64 and 65 of Naruto.I wish they would hurry up and download.
–I still don't enjoy working at Office Depot, but I got paid yesterday and it felt really good. Too bad all my money is already spoken for(gotta love those bills)
–I still need more money.
–I finally got the divorce papers from Breena.(I'm almost free; if thats considered a good thing)
–Stargate was awesome last night.
–I opened another bottle of cologne I got last year; I'm wearing it now, but I don't really like the smell of it.
–Levi is planning another party in honor of the Superbowl.
–I want to plan a party for mid-march in honor of me never living at the apartment again–if I know you, plan on me asking you to come; if I don't know you, better email me if you want my address. I want this thing to be big(think 50-70 people)
–anyone ever heard the song “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge? It's my all time favorite song. Go listen to it and tell me what you think.

My car is about to be fixed

My dad just called, telling Levi(I didn't answer the phone) that he was leaving work to come over here and fix my car. That is so good news for me. Once he fixes it, I'll probably head over to my parents' house to get my work shirt, then come back over here to wash it.
I should probably do the dishes too. Levi said he would have done them but he doesn't know how to use a dishwasher. Oh well. I don't mind doing them, and besides, it makes our apartment look so much better.
That reminds me, I better talk to Levi and find out how/when we're going to go through the apartment and clean it up/fix everything broken. We'll probably wait until closer to March, when the apartment will be empty, but I just want to check with him so we can get a game plan together.
OK, thats going to be it for now, I'm sure I'll update later, either before I go to work or when I come home from it.

What would it take for you to just leave with me?

LOL! I’m listening to Britney Spears. My day off is pretty much over. Too bad I can’t get to sleep. You know what I realized? Ever since I quit Blockbuster, my body isn’t used to being home in bed at such early hours of the night. Lately I haven’t been sleeping well. I probably need some supplements of something.
Lets see, what did I do today? Well, I didn’t do anything today, just sat at my computer watching “Dark Angel”, checking e-mail(all junk mail spam) and going through the “Back to the Future” trilogy.
My dad was sick today, so he didn’t fix my car. He claims He’ll take off work early tomorrow and fix it for me before I have to be at work(I work at 5pm) But then he also told me to try and call Sierra just in case. Luckily for me, I couldn’t get ahold of her.
Plus, my work shirt(ok, ok, it’s just a normal dress shirt right now) the only one I have is stuck at my parents’ house kinda dirty. Yeah for me, It’ll take some creative thinking to get it clean before I work tomorrow.
Tonight was Monday night, and I think we all know what that means: Stargate Monday! yeah! And I just found out they are creating a new Stargate series! How cool is that?
It gets better though–this wednesday)even though I’ll be working) The WB wednesday finally starts showing new episodes of Smallville and Angel! I am a very happy loser right now, LOL!

The weekend is almost over

Heres another update for you all!
Well, it was a good thing my mom loaned me the money I needed, because when I looked at my online bank statement, right after my mom and I deposited the money, my rent check went through. wow, that was a close one. I'll be paying my mom back once I get the refund check from Verizon.
My car still is not fixed. My dad came over to the apartment this morning and “tried” but said it was way too cold to get it done, so I'm stuck getting rides until tomorrow.
I'm over my mom's house right now, just finished eating brunch, and once Jb and sierra get here mom wants to watch The Frighteners with Michael J. Fox. Did you know Peter Jackson(director of the LOTR trilogy) also directed that movie as well? Too cool.
Not much else to tell. I don't have to work til tuesday(from 5pm-10pm) so I'm free until then.
Oh, since the lease for the apartment is ending in march, I have decided it would be a good move to move back home with my parents. As sad as that sounds, financially it is the best option for me. My mom agrees, all I have to do now it convince my dad. I wrote up a little proposal for it, and I've decided to post it on here, just in case any of you all can either think of any more pros(for my parents) or offer me a better deal on a place to live. LOL
here it is:
My proposal for living at home:

The lease for 8490 Metcalf blvd apt 404 is up at the end of March 2004. Rather than find another apartment complex to live at, or moving in with a friend, I would like to move back home to 10505 Manor View Pl (taking over the room Jonathan formerly occupied).

It is my belief that this move can and will benefit both parties (Myself being one, my mother and father being the other) involved.

Benefits for my Mother and Father:

**I would pay a monthly rent of $400(in this would include my main monthly expenses, Comcast high speed internet, for which I would pay the install fee, along with an extra analog cable box to go into the room, for which I would pay for the installation as well. These two expenses do not even equal $100 a month. The rest of the money would be used for whatever my mother and father wanted to use it for)

**I would be available to play with and take care of Toby and Tiffany (The days I work the morning shift I would be able to play with them/feed them dinner once I got home, provided there was adequate lighting for the tossing of a ball; and the days I work the night shift I would be able to play with them/feed them lunch before I went to work.)

**I would be available to alternate KD(kitchen duty) days with Melissa

**I would be available to mow the yard once a week (Once the grass actually started needing mowing, I would be able to do this once a week, weather permitting, no matter my work schedule)

Benefits for myself:

**The rent I would pay would be the smaller than any amount of rent I've had to pay up to date, allowing me to save much more of my money

**The money I save paying only $400 a month would allow me to put more money towards the paying off of my present loans; thereby lowering my overall debt and making me financially stable

**I would be living at the place where I usually go to fill up my radiator tank; therefore saving my car gas.

OK, so thats it for this update. Let me know what you all think!

the day has been wasted…

I spent the entire morning on the phone with people, going back and forth between institutions. The final plan? Verizon is going to issue me a refund check, within 7-10 business days. That means that I won't have the money I need when the apartment complex decides to deposit my check and take the 975$ out of my checking account.
I had to call my mom and ask her to loan me $200 cash today so that I would be assured that when the rent check went through everything would be fine and I would still have a place to live and that I wouldn't have any penalties for returned checks/insufficient funds.
We're going to do that at 2pm when she picks me up for work.(I work at 3pm)
Plus, when I called my mom, I found out my dad is home! He came home way early cause he was really sick. You know what that means? My car won't be fixed today. I feel like a prisoner, stuck in my own apartment, unable to get out. NO food, no toilet paper(don't ask) and no life.
And, to make matters worse, I'm still stuck at my new dead end job making less than I'm worth doing less than I know I can do.
How sad.

I hate this!!!!

OK, so stupid verizon.com took out the money I owe them for the phone bill twice! This is not good. the phone bill was $116.92 I had budgeted that it would be taken out once. But now, with it being taken out yet again–I don't have enough money for rent!!! And I already gave the rent check to the apartment complex. I DO NOT want to have to pay “insufficient funds” fees and make the apartment people try to evict me, when I should have the evil money right there!!!!
Damn stupid Verizon! I just emailed them, and tomorrow I have to call them! I need to get this cleared up asap! damn, and I was hoping to have a good night, now I know I'll get no sleep cause I'll be worried about it too much. Why is it that lately I can never get any good sleep? What is wrong with me?!?!
I'll update you all tomorrow when I find out more, just everybody pray that the funds they withdrew from my account they can just put back into my account tomorrow.
I need a drink…

this day sucks!

OK, so I went to start my car, so I could go over to my mom's house(I had coupons for free pizza and stuff) and yes my car started, unfortunately, my wheel(the steering wheel) refused to move. I didn't think I had power steering in my car(I mean, come on it's an '85) but the only way the wheel would turn is if I tried REALLY REALLY hard to turn it, and then it would turn just a little. I just tried to call my mom at home, no answer. I'll probably try her cell phone, but that will probably be off too. and I have to work tomorrow 10-7!! dang it!

today is my day off

And I have nothing to do. I worked yesterday, and I work tomorrow–I should be enjoying my time off. But I'm really really bored. When I worked at Blockbuster I would just pop in and chat and do a little work off the clock. I don't really feel like doing that at this job; not quite yet.
I would go over to my mom's house, cause it's her day off too, but she told me last night she had ALOT of stuff to do. Maybe I'll just pop over there for a few minutes to get some free food. LOL.
I can't wait to get paid. Turns out I still have a 100$ loan payment that I haven't paid yet(it was due 11/28) and I still have that 40$ police appreciation I committed to. I also have to pay Breena back for paying the electric bill(thats about 83$)
I should have enough money to cover all that right now, but as it turns out Suntrust doesn't really post items to your account as fast as they should(or as fast as I've seen other banks do it) So I'm stuck in limbo waiting to see if I have enough money or if I have to wait until payday. The money sure way to know is to not spend ANY money for like a week until everything humanly possible has been posted. How sad.
I need a vacation. LOL.
I'll be back later to update you all.
As I always am
–Nick–>

This is the third time I have posted this

Ok, so my first day at work was great. granted, it was really hectic at times(especially when there was a long ass line, and I was training on register) But generally everything went smooth. Infact, tomorrow I work 8-5, training only on this computer doing these training modules. It's like training using books, only it's on the computer. Plus, the main manager said he is trying to bring me up to full time as soon as possible. That will be great if the Harbor job doesn't pan out.
Anyway, Stargate monday is on, so I better get going.

I start working tomorrow

Ok, so I'm about to head off to bed–I'll need some good REM sleep since I have to wake up early(think 7:15) to get ready for work tomorrow. Everyone wish me luck, lets hope I wake up on time, and get there early. It's training day for me, and I really want to be at my best(so they know what they're dealing with, lol)
I know I'll be nervous, but I'm hoping that my “cool but very professional” attitude will shine through and help me get to know a few employees.
Also, on a different note–the rent was due on the first, but they don't charge a penelty unless it hasn't be received by 5pm on the 5th. Tomorrow is the 5th. I've made out the check, now all I have to do is drop it off BEFORE I go to work.
You know, I really hope theres good music playing tomorrow on the ride over.
Soon I will have money(ofcourse, the money I get will go to all my wonderful bills, but at least now I'll be able to pay for them)
If you want to send me money though, feel free, go right ahead, I won't deny your right to be generous. LOL
g' night all.

I have no idea why I'm typing this

OK, so I can't sleep again. I need to go get another shot(or 5) of After Shock(a way cool peppermint and cinnamon flavoured liqueur) Wow that is some good stuff. Everybody(well, everybody over 21) go out and try some.
I finished my profile on emode, if anyone wants to go there and check it out my user name is nickshadows and my email address is nick@ztug.net
I need guideance in my life.
My apartment is too hot, I bet Levi turned on the heat. Either that, or I'm more drunk than I thought I was. Hey, at least I'm typing in here and not typing drunken emails to my ex girlfriends. LOL. Only a few of you will get that little inside joke, but hey, it's an acomplishment.
I hope everyone is having a great evening. Tomorrow(or rather, today) is my last day off before I start my new job at Office Depot on Monday.
I really don't want to work there–I'm hoping the district leader for Habor Freight and Tool will call me back and offer me a job, then I'll be making anywhere from 28-31 thousand a year. Way to go me. Everybody go pray about it, ok?
As I always am,
~~Nick~~

this <i>IS</I> my life.

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along