Yay church

I just got back from GCC. It was really cool—CJ preached and the message was very awesome. The CDs are being made available for free so I think I’ll grab one the next chance I get.

Grrr. I left right after the service ended. I know Rhema had to be pissed. Heck, I’m pissed. I really wanted to talk to her! We didn’t get to talk during the mini-break cause I guess since her mom didn’t show up to church, she had to help her dad with Sunday School and that meant she had to be at the Sunday School area as soon as the break started. I didn’t even know she was at church today until after service ended and instead of leaving right away I went to the bathroom and then went into the break area and got myself a drink. So I went to go get a drink and I saw her in the Sunday school area. I wanted to talk to her so bad! And I did–for all of like, 1 minute. Because guess what? Her dad was right there. I hate this. I don’t think she really understands how I feel about him and her mom. I have always felt very uncomfortable around her parents (especially her dad) but now with our current situation, I just can’t stand being anywhere near them without getting sick to my stomach.

So there Rhema was, looking oh-so-hott, and I was so happy to see her, and then I saw her dad was like, right next to her, and I got sick to my stomach and just had to get out of there. I know he said we’re allowed to talk on Sundays, but whenever he’s around I always feel like he’s watching us and we’re sinning in some way. I am so self conscience about everything whenever he is around me. I feel like I can’t really even talk to her!! The same thing happened 2 weeks ago when we were all at caregroup together, and I know the same thing is bound to happen this Tuesday when we’re all at caregroup again. Grrr I hate that I’m weird like this. I even had a present to give Rhema but didn’t. Whenever I see her parents all I can think about is just getting away from them as fast as humanly possible. I feel like no matter what I’m doing they’re judging me and watching me; I know thats probably not true but it’s how I feel.

So Rhema–if you’re reading this: I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you. I still want to talk to you. You looked amazing and I had so much I wanted to say. But we both know I have issues, and a major one is how I relate to/how I feel about your parents. And I have no idea when/how I’m going to get over it. I’m sorry I’m like this.

I hope she can forgive me.
Well, I’m off to go eat brunch with my family and try not to think about how stupid I am.
~Nick