The Life of the Nickness

“You’ll Love this when I’m Famous”

quick and boring update

I signed up to work overtime 7am-7pm tomorrow. I wish I hadn't.
My entire schedule for tomorrow is posted on my AIM away message.
I was bored all day today.
I am tired (for once) and am actually going to go to bed.
But if you want to talk to me, please don't let that stop you.
Call me any time you want
If you know me, you should know the number.
If you don't know me–well, why not? I'm way awesome (and, as I 'force' my friend connie to say.. I'm also hott and sexy!)

July 26, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

I just got a new cell phone! But more on that later….

OK, so I was at FCB a couple days ago looking for The Cross Centered Life by CJ Mahaney. They didn't have it, but I HIGHLY suggest going and getting a copy. I had to special order mine. Actually, anything by CJ Mahaney is an awesome read. (and on that note, go buy anything by John Piper. Those two Pastors….wow. I've heard CJ preach so many times it's so awesome, but unfortunately I missed my chance to hear John Piper when I was attending NCU) Grr, ok. thats not why I'm posting. Back on topic!

As I was looking around, trying to figure out which Piper book I wanted to buy, I happened to glance down(not a difficult feat, they keep Piper on the bottom shelf) and what did I find? A book entitled Help, I Think God Is Trying to Kill Me

If anyone remembers Pastor Kim's message about pointy things last Sunday evening, you know how cool this is.(do we pick the giant fish hook or the butter knife spear?) I just got done reading the first chapter…. all about 'sacred suicide'…kind of like the intro chapter into the whole book. I've never heard of Michael Pitts, but so far it's an awesome read. Ofcourse, I could go deeper and see that it's all… hmm..(how should I put this?) not as awesome. But I'll let you all know if that happens.

“And
they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their
testimoney, and they did not love their lives to the death.”

Revelation 12:11

July 25, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

My weekend update (I know, very not original!)

Well, where should I start?
And should I give you the long version or the short version?
Well, I'll add as many details as time(and energy) permit.

Friday– work and then I went and hung out with at IHOP. It was mad cool–when the food came I asked her to pray and while she was, I picked up our food and hid it from her! I almost had her believing that our server had stolen it from us. LOL, good times. The evening ended kinda early though cause she had another (how should I say this?) appointment to attend to.

Saturday– work, and then directly to Mosaic. Because of when it starts, I'm always going to miss the begining of worship, but it's ok, cause service is way cool! Pk talked about lessions we can learn from pointy things…man I wish I had taken notes so I could share it with you all! Oh well. Maybe next time. After that it was to the bowling ally with , , , , and whole rest of the Mosaic gang for some cosmic bowling!! It had been a really long time since I'd actually hung out with a big group of people and enjoyed myself. I was still majorly shy and introverted, but it was nice to be there. Besides, I won our game with a 102(yes, I know, a pathetic score. I promise I'll do better next time) Plus I actually got to see what the phrase 'drop it like it's hot” means. Granted, I didn't really get to see the whole drop, but just enough to actually know what the song is talking about(yes, I know. I've lead a sheltered life.) After that and I went to Centerville to go see The Island. We wanted more people to come, but it was like, 12:30am, and everyone begged out on us. Losers. But we had fun anyways. I fell alseep for about 20 minutes and missed some pretty funny lines, but I'm sure I'll be seeing it again soon.

Sunday–went with to Family Christian Bookstore and met up with . She was working so of course we bothered her, and I ended up buying a book(more on the book in another post…possibly in the mosaic forums…) After that the 3 of us headed to Ruby Tuesdays for some good food(cause you know, every so often I do like to go out for bad food. This just wasn't one of those times) Then we picked up and we went to go see the Fantastic 4. I, ofcourse, had already seen it but no one else had, so yay for seeing it again. We got a cool picture of the four of us, and as soon as someone scans it(not mentioning any names *cough Laura cough*) then I'll be able to post it on here for all to see and laugh about. After that we dropped off (he had to work early tomorrow so he couldn't be out that late) and the rest of us headed off to Walmart for some random shopping.

Now I'm home chatting online and updating this wonderful online journal.

And I think… for now… that is as much of an update as you're going to get from me.

I work 6 hours of overtime tomorrow morning. Yay

July 24, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

I gots me some news!

Well, today sucked! It was mad busy, and every time I turned around there was another problem to deal with. But guess what? I'm alive, I made it through, and for once I wasn't bored!

And thats not all–I found out today (officially) that Mary (the lead Op for my shift) won't be returning to Micron. We're all really sad about it (she worked really hard and everyone loved her)
BUT… that means that there is now an opening for Lead operator on my shift! And, since I've been covering the position for the past couple weeks, I have a pretty good shot at getting it. Which is way awesome! Cause it's like… 16$ an hour, opposed to the 14 that I make now. MMMM… smell that? It's the smell of 16$ an hour making it's way into my bank account. Can you imagine all the things I could do with 16$ an hour that I couldn't do with 14$?!?!? Thats right–so can I!!

On another note–it's Friday, which means that Stargate and Stargate:Atlantis come on tonight. I'm recording them–that way I can watch them laters and not deal with the commercials.

I think I'm going to go out tonight. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to go, but I really feel like going out tonight and having some fun. I know I have to work tommorrow, but come on–a guy deserves to have some fun once in a while, right?

July 22, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

a short post on the highlights of my Wednesday

I watched Wedding Crashers with . Very funny movie. Not appropriate for Christians. Still, a very funny movie.

It allowed me to take my mind off of stuff. I'll probably go watch it again sometime soon.
Later in the evening I was supposed to go to Mosaic Wednesday night Bible study, but decided against it for a random car ride. It was much fun–listening to the radio and relaxing. Then when I got home and I decided to head off to TGIF for some food, followed by some random walking around Manassas. We were lucky enough to not get stoped by any cops, and made it back safely to our cars around 2:30am.

I'm still not tired. Can you believe it??!?! But, I'm going to try to get some sleep, because I have to work 12 hours tomorrow.

July 21, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

the Happy Birthday to Rhema (and other stuff) post

Today is Rhema’s 19th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RHEMA!

I’m really regretting my decision to not send her flowers. I know it was the right and obedient and God-pleasing thing to do–but I still wish I had done it. I mean, lets be honest with ourselves… nothing I do or don’t do is going to make the situation any better or any worse.At least sending the flowers would have showed her that I still love her. Damn it. I should have sent her the flowers.

I hope that shes ok–and that she has an awesome birthday and an awesome year being 19. LOL, I hope she has an awesome life! I know God has so much in store for her, and I know He is going to do amazing things in her life and in the lives of her family members. So Rhema if you ever read this–just know that I’m praying for you every single day and I wish you only God’s best. God has great and mighty plans for you, and I know He is changing you into the person He wants you to be. No matter what you go through always remember that God is in control and that He has ‘ordered’ your steps long before you were born.

It’s always amazing to me whenever I look at my life how much it can completely change in 1 year. Actually, re-thinking that–At this point in time I am exactly where I was a year ago–except that back then Rhema and I had just barely started our relationship.

I’m trying to figure out when I’m going to delete all the stuff on my computer about her and throw away all the stuff she gave me/stuff I’ve collected concerning the relationship with her. Everything is in a box–I just can’t bring myself to throw it away. I probably never will either. It’s funny thinking about it really; out of all the past relationships I’ve had(even my failed marriage) Rhema was the only one who I collected stuff about. Not weird stuff(in case you all thought I was stroking locks of her hair or something!) Just…stuff. Movie stubs to every movie we’ve ever gone to, notes/letters/cards shes written me, pictures of us, stuffed animals shes given me, my pink barbie hat that I bought trying to impress her the first day we met. And then ofcourse theres my computer files filled with more pictures, copies of letters I’ve written her, aim conversations I thought were important enough to save, as well as a copy of every email shes ever sent me. Wow. Thats alot of stuff. I am so not throwing it out. Ever.

And if you have a problem with that–deal with it. I’m not in the mood to hear any self righteous “Oh, it sounds like you have an idol in your life! You must throw it out and move on with your life” crap. The fact is, everything reminds me of her. I’d have to move and live with the monks of northern Thailand to get away from all the things that remind me of her–and even then I know there would still be memories.

“You’re not allowed to be in love with another man’s wife” Oh, that is complete and utter crap. I can love whomever I want. It’s just the ability to act on that love that makes it right or wrong. So there! (sorry about that… I was remembering what someone once told me concerning my relationship with Rhema and I just got really mad there for a second. And please don’t freak out–Rhema isn’t married. Shes not even engaged. But she will be, and probably not to me. That is what the guy was talking about when he made the comment)

On another note—I should have gone to work today. Megan didn’t sound too happy that I was calling in sick. Oh well. I just don’t care anymore. My job is NOT going to become my life.

July 20, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema, Uncategorized | | No Comments

My Monday…

Yesterday I hung out with   and went to go see Willy Wonka at the Regal in Manassas. The movie was way awesome. Later, we went to go see Bewitched. was supposed to come with us, but decided not to. I think my “Naughty girl” impression freaked her out a bit.
All in all yesterday was fun.
I was supposed to work today–and I might still go in, but probably not.
I also just found out that Jonathan's gf has a livejournal. Yay for . Also on the note of my friends list…you all probably figured this out already, but deleted her account (for obvious reasons)
Now all thats left is to find something to do…

Don't you love how I put as many links as possible into this journal entry?

I'm gonna go do something now.

But before I go, one quick comic parodying the most recent and oh-so-wonderful Star Wars movie….

July 19, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

So… this is what I've decided…

As you are aware, I had planned on sending Rhema some flowers on Wednesday for her 19th Birthday. I was going to send them anonymously, in hopes that her parents wouldn’t know they were from me and destroy them before they got to her. Well, new plan, LOL. I went back and forth, trying to figure out if I should send them anonymously, and then suddenly I thought about emailing her dad and asking for permission. Then I remembered how Bob said I’m not allowed to have any contact with any of the Conns. I thought about going ahead anyway–but I don’t think I could deal with an answer of ‘NO” right now, which I’m pretty sure he’d give me because they all hate me over there and they don’t want me to have anything more to do with their daughter. So…. I’ve decided NOT to send Rhema some flowers,(I don’t want to antagonize the Conns anymore than I already have–no good would come to it and they would just hate me more) and just post a happy birthday message to her on my LJ, in hopes that maybe one day she will look back on all these entries and know that I at least did something for her.

Also, I’ve written an Email to Bob–the Pastor of GCC. I’m not sure if I should send it though–so I’m going to post it here–everyone who reads this(if anyone even reads this anymore) please, please comment and tell me what you think of the email.

Dear Bob,

At this point I am under the assumption that Andy and Lauren have decided to never allow Rhema and I to be in a relationship ever again. (I don’t even know if Rhema still loves me or even wants to be in a relationship with me, and even if she did I doubt that would change everyone’s decision) I mean, even when Andy and Lauren thought we had a pure relationship they didn’t even want her and I to be friends, so it’s not difficult to assume their response in this situation. If this is the case (I say ‘if’ only because I know that is a big judgment and there is a chance I could be wrong), I need closure pertaining to the relationship that I have/had with Rhema. Even though the situation got out of hand, I do not think it is fair to either party involved to just drop the situation and end things how they are.

As it is, I can not stop thinking about Rhema-I think about her more now than I did when we were together, and in my heart I still hope for a future where the two of us are together.

It’s that hope that gnaws at me and causes me to hold on. I know that I will always be in love with Rhema, and will always want to be with her(even with the closure) but at least getting some form of closure will give me something tangible to point back to whenever I feel my hopes rising.

Please consider my request with all those involved and get back to me.

Sincerely,
Nick

 

So there it is. Please give me your comments. It was a very difficult email to write–especially since I know that even with closure I will never stop being in love with her, and I will always cling to the hope that we will someday be together. But at least I will know what is going on in their minds about this situation. Grrrr.

Well, I worked yesterday—it was actually pretty cool, but I don’t ever want to work a Sunday again–I want to make sure I continue to go to church–whatever place that may be. I know God placed me at GCC for a reason, but I can not continue to go there and see her every week–seeing her and knowing that I can never be with her would be the ultimate form of hell for me, and I am not willing to put myself through that.

So today is my only day off. I’m probably going to go see Willy Wonka later–I’m going to try to enjoy myself(as much as I can at least without Rhema by my side) because starting tomorrow I have a 5, 12 hour work days coming up in a row… yay for 72 hours of work this week.

July 18, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema | | No Comments

I had a very sad dream last night

I have to go to work.
I'll probably update later.
'Happy' Sunday everyone.

July 17, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

My patent-pending after work post!

Well, work today went pretty ok and uneventful, save for a few minor notes I feel I must comment on.
First and foremost–due to my 2 week vacation, and my inability to work overtime during those 2 weeks, my name was pushed fairly close to the top of the Mandatory OT list, and as such I am now working this Sunday, 7am-7pm. This of course will be the only Sunday that I ever do this, and even though it stinks, at least I won’t be staying home being bored and lazy.

While I was thinking about Sunday, it occurred to me that on my days off I am a complete lazy bum, and do absolutely nothing. So I signed up to also work OT this coming Tuesday from 7am-7pm. Also, the OT request for the week after next was out, so I signed up to work half a day on Monday(7am-1pm) and all day Tuesday(7am-7pm) I know this is a lot of OT, and I’ll probably regret it later, but lets face it–the person who I spent the most time with on my days off is now out of my life(and as much as it hurts and I hate it, and want to change it, there is nothing I can do about it) AND I am serious about my goal of becoming debt free so I can save and buy a house. And that goal requires cash. Cash which I can only get through working OT at Micron (I tried a side business of whoring myself out on the corner, but apparently no one likes a fat jiggly prostitute)

One more thing I should note– the lead op is gone for my shift (and we have no clue when she’ll be coming back) so I’m filling in for her. That means I get to be there at 6:30 instead of 6:55, I don’t have to run tools, and I get 12.01 hours paid to me instead of 11.80. So yeah–even more money that I’ll get to save up for a house. Which I’ll be the only one living in. For the rest of my life. Grrr… ok, I’m going to stop there. No need to make myself depressed on purpose, LOL!

Anyways, I’m actually at work now–I’ll be emailing myself this entry, and I’ll post it when I get home.

On my break I was able to see the latest Naruto–and as sad as this is, it wasn’t as great as I thought it was going to be. Grrr! What is the world coming to when a man can’t even enjoy a simple anime episode of the best show in the world?!?!?

Rhema’s birthday is this coming Wednesday. I’m not allowed to have any contact with her (which sucks), but I think I’m going to send her some flowers anyway. Of course, I’ll send them anonymously, so no one knows who sent them(that way if I’m lucky her parents won’t intercept them and destroy them before they get to her) and yes I know that means she won’t even know that I was the one sending them, but at least I’ll be able to send her something for her 19th birthday, and she’ll be able to enjoy some really beautiful flowers(cause lets be honest with ourselves–even if she doesn’t know they’re from me she can still enjoy them–and perhaps she’ll even smile when she gets them–and yay for Rhema smiling)

Ok, enough of the mushiness. I should get back to work. I’ll finish this update when I get home, and with any luck it will be posted on LJ later this evening for all you people to read.

Well, through the magic of the internet I am now home and ready for bed. It was an interesting evening, starting out with a fight between my dad and I because he wouldn’t give me the NOVA catalog that came in the mail for me today (first he claimed it didn’t come, then he said it did, then he yelled at me for it being in the living room when he was the one that put it there!) Anyways, I am kinda sad–looking through the catalog, there is not a single class that I want to take that is offered when I don’t have to work at Micron. Bah. Mom and I talked tonight about school and stuff–I seriously just want to go back–I don’t want to work at Micron for the rest of my life. But there is no way for me to become debt free and get rid of a car payment and go to school full time. I mean, there is–but that would mean not going to school for another 1.5 years and saving all my money for school instead of a house. Grrr! Things used to be so much simpler. Well, I am not giving up. I swear I’m going to find a way to make my life perfect(well, as perfect as it can get without Rhema being in it) and I know I’m going to succeed. It’s just… going to take some time.

July 14, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema, Uncategorized | | No Comments

Every day that passes is worse than the last.

I'm off to work.
I feel sick

“Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Do you remember when you loved me
Before the world took you away
Well if you do, then forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Now I’m sorry if I hurt you
Let me make it up to you day by day
And if you will please forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away”

July 14, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

bah

Theres nothing really to say. I go back to work tomorrow. Thank goodness for Micron. At least going back to work will give me something to focus on other than my stupid sin and how much I messed up my life and everyone’s trust in me.

I’ve spent the rest of my ‘vacation’ pretty much doing nothing.
Whats sad is that it’s been almost a week since I had any contact with Rhema–the longest I’ve ever gone without any form of communication from her. And I’m going completely crazy. I keep thinking that eventually I’ll get used to it, and that with enough time she’ll just fade into the background of my memory–but thats just a fantasy. I know that the memories of time I spent with her(the good times and the bad times) are probably going to haunt me until I die. (yes, yes, I know: you think I’m being way over dramatic, but I’m not)

I’m probably going to go to Mosaic this Saturday night–it feels weird not having gone to GCC on Sunday or caregroup on Thusday, and I can’t just, not go to church for the rest of my life.
I’ve completely screwed up my entire life.

Raphael says I need to focus on reconciliation with God and not worry about reconciliation with Rhema(which I know will never happen), but thats easier said than done. God forgives people way easier than people do. And besides, even with forgiveness I still have to live with the consequences of my actions.
I wish there was a way to make us alright again.
I miss everything.

It’s funny how sin can completely kill everything that people care about. Wait a minute… I’m wrong. Its not funny.

July 13, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema | | No Comments

a poem I found on All Poetry….

I found this poem on All Poetry.com
It was on the featured list.
It really speaks volumes to me.
It has touched the corner of my soul

Past days
lay calmly
on a mixed bed
of regrets and sundered dreams

Swept
into a repression
that only time
unlocks

We gamble
with our future
knowing it depends
on the silence
of our past

Easing our bones
onto a bed
of smoldering acts

Will our past
stay buried
or will
our skeletons rise

to haunt
our sanity
forever and a day

All rights reserved, © Black Lace.

July 10, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

I screwed everything up

I haven’t done much the past two days..
watched tv, gone out with my mom to Food Lion for some food

I wish I could make things better.
I never wanted to hurt anyone, or to be bad for anyone.
I’m not allowed to contact any of Rhema’s family(not that I would… what would I say to them?!?!)
and I can’t go back to GCC until I meet with Bob

I want to meet with him, but at the same time I’m so scared….it’s not like it will change anything for anyone.
I’ll still be a sinner
I still won’t be with her.
and I’ll have to go to church every week and see her and remember all the crap I put everyone through.

Everyone that knows about this hates me. Not that I could blame them.
I should have just confessed a long time ago before everyone found out like they did.
But I was too afraid of the consequences. I wasn’t brave enough.

And now… this is how things are.

I know God still loves me, and I know that there is forgiveness.

Despite what people believe, I was never ‘in it’ for the stupid physicalness. I still love her. I still miss her. And I still want to be with her. Those things will never change for me.

But now, I don’t even have the luxury of hope.

I’m so selfish. All I can think about is myself.
I really do want what God’s best is for her–I just wish I was it.

I’m gonna go. I need to pray again.
~Nick
1 Tim 1:15

July 10, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema | | No Comments

the wages of sin is death…

All the stuff that Rhema and I did in secret has now come into the light, and I’ve completely lost any and all chances of ever being with her.
And it’s all my fault.

I hate sinning.

July 9, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Rhema | | No Comments

I just got back from seeing The Fantastic 4

And wow! it's a way awesome movie! Granted, I knew everything that was going to happen(thanks to a stupid sticker book I found in Walmart that gave the plot away) but it was still a really great movie. My mom and I went to go see it–we were actually suprised, we went to the noon showing, and the theater was fully packed! But that was only cause Regal decided to be cheap and put the movie in one of their smallest theater rooms. Oh well. Afterwards we were supposed to go out to Unos to eat lunch(mom paid for the movie, and I was going to take her out to lunch to say thank you) but neither of us were hungry(thanks to all the movie popcorn and the 2 hot dogs we ate) So I told my mom I'd take her out to dinner instead. Thank goodness it was payday today! I just have to remember to remind my mom to deposit the rent check I gave her 2 weeks ago, LOL!
Anyways, I just discovered that with a paid Livejournal(which I have) I can make up to 15 posts to my livejournal using my phone every single month! How cool is that? They can be up to 5 minutes long too! People listening to my phone post also have the option of transcribing it and putting it on my livejournal, so other people can read it if they don't want to/can't listen to the audio!

I also just found out that people can send me text messages through my phone by using the link in my LJ user info.

A full list of paid livejournal benefits can be found at this link and will tell you more than you ever wanted to know about all the benefits us cool paid livejournal users get to have.

So have I convinced you yet? Do you want to go see the Fantastic 4 AND get a paid livejournal? Well, I can't help you see the movie, but I can provide you with the link to a FF website where you can check out movies times. Also, due to lack of funds, I am at this time unable to buy a paid account for all my friends (I've thought about giving it as a Christmas gift, but I think the gift would be wasted, seeing as how most of you don't really use your LJ anyways) But for the rest of you I can provide you the link to the page where you can buy a paid livejournal account.

So feel free to check out all these cool links I've included (way too easily using the cool Firefox LJ-Hook extension)

Til next time,
~Nick
1 Tim 1:15

July 8, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

The super big friday post does NOT leave you wanting…

It's Friday!
And what does that mean? It means I've chosen today to force myself out of my funk and update you all on what's been going on! And because I have so much to say…. I'm going to use the wonderful LJ-CUTS!
So… Lets get started, and we'll see what we end up with, ok?

Well, I know I posted a little snip-bit about this yesterday, but I thought it really didn't do the browser justice. I've been using IE all my life, and I've heard of Firefox ever since it first came out, but all the computers I've ever tried it on have been slow and evil and well…possessed by the devil. So I stuck with IE.

However yesterday, I was reading one of my favorite online comics CAD and I was going through some back issues and the author made a comment about an extension he had created for Firefox. That drew in my interest, so, being the completely bored person that I am, I pulled up a couple website and started researching it. What I found was amazing! Click here for just one of the articles I found on Firefox!

As you can see, Firefox beats down IE a million times over. So I downloaded it, and immediately went to work customizing it by downloading way cool themes and extensions for it(including the handy-dandy LJ-Hook I was talking to you about yesterday)

I guess you can say it's like my new toy. I even went into the folders and I've started creating files like the user.js and the userChrome.css files in order to fully customize and control my Firefox experience. So far so good, and I'm looking forward to continuing to use Firefox (that is, ofcourse, unless something even better and more totally awesome comes out, but I doubt it will!)

And with the end of my minipost on Firefox, I now come to my synopsis of the GCC Family Retreat.
All in all it was an awesome retreat–much better than any of the youth retreats I went on when I was in Firepower. I took notes for all the sessions except for the Sunday evening session. I had planned to take notes for that one, but the meeting was outside, I forgot my notebook, and well, I guess I didn't really connect with(or find interesting) what the speaker was saying(which is a shame because it was Joshua Harris)Overall it was a great time of fellowship, and I was able to talk with a bunch of guys from my caregroup and get to know them better than I already did(and vise versa)Also, since it was a church activity Mr. Conn let Rhema and I hang out and talk–which was cool cause it seemed like I hadn't talked with her in like, forever! LOL. There was also a baptism on the Potomac river Monday afternoon–and let me tell you, one of the most powerful things to me is seeing believers make that public declaration of turning from their sins and accepting Christ's love, forgiveness, and Lordship in their lives. And being on the Potomac river made it equally special–tempted me to want to be baptized again(lol, cause when I was baptized it was in the pool of the Pastor's backyard! hahaha!) Anyways, the theme of the retreat was trusting God, so all of our sessions had something to do with that. I've LJ-CUT the sessions for you all, and basically given you my thoughts on them, as well as included all the notes I've taken–So it's gonna be one long post!

The Saturday session was so awesome!! The message was entitled “Fret Not Yourself” (i know all the titles of every message, even the ones that weren't actually mentioned, because I was helping with the CD duplication for the retreat weekend) Here are my notes!!
-trusting God is the ultimate response to what God asks for us
-Lack of trust is the source of every misery in our lives, and the sin it causes gives us a distorted view of God.
-Psalm 37:1-9 talks about trusting in 'Yahweh'
Fret Not Yourself.
Worry is NOT allowed! David's enemies are plotting against him, so David begins verse 1 with a reminder not to worry.
–We fret over people almost every time we fret(fear of man!) but fretting over non-human things is sin too!
The fruit of Fretting is evil! Where evil is present, fretting isn't far. More fruits–envy and anger!!
The root of fretting is the desires of our heart. When we fret, we put ourselves as the person who will obtain those desires, but it is GOD who wants to (and will) give us the desires of our heart.
The problem is never in the act of trust, but in the object of trust. When we fret(i.e., worry) we say that God isn't who he says he is, and that we know better than Him.
What is one way to trust God? Verse 5 gives us the answer–we can delight in Him!
Remember the story of Bob's son not wanting to jump into his daddy's arms from the cliff–he was afraid because he didn't know if his dad would catch him! One reason we fail to trust God is because we don't know God well enough–we're unsure of God's reliability to take care of our situation.
One final note– Jesus stated in matt 6–Can worry add a second onto your life?…Seek the Kingdom of God…

Next is the lust sermon for the men. Honestly, I've got a small bone over this, as all the men talked on Lust and all the women went somewhere else and talked about submission. Talking to Rhema about it, she told me it's a sovereign grace thing–that's usually the topics when they split up men and women. I think that stinks! I struggle with submission(and a bunch of other issues) WAY more than a struggle with lust! It was kinda sad really–after the message(which sounded so very familiar cause I heard it like, 7-8 years ago) we all broke up into caregroups and got to confess our sins of Lust. I was one of the last people to go and the only thing I could even think to say was the incident that happened 7-8 years ago which Pastor Barry helped me through. I haven't really had a lust problem since then. So yeah.. I'm looking forward to next year, but I hope they talk to the men about something else. Something.. more useful to me. Hahaha, but I guess that's really selfish and evil of me, huh? I mean, it was an awesome message, and I'm sure there are tons of men who got something out of it. So what am I waiting for? Here are my notes!
Sermon title: The Creature (based on Romans 1:24-25)
This chapter is sobering while talking about Gods wrath.
The punishment of Lust is more lust. Look at Gollum in LOTR–how he acted with the ring of power) It's cycle== we lust, God gives us over to the lust, and we lust more.
Lust never satisfies. You can never get enough of it–you can gorge yourself, but you will never be full.
The power of Lust can be found in verse 25. The only antidote for lust and it's lies it the Truth! Read Joshua Harris' book, Not Even A Hint. We can not be passive, we must attack back!
There are many lies that Lust tells us.
Bob stated more lies–one I found particularly interesting(just because I think there are many people who go through this) is that Being tempted to lust is not the same as lust! it's the same as any temptation–it can be overcome!!
The priority of Lust: The creator is disregarded and the creation(i.e., the creature) is being put in his place. More often than not, the creation isn't the woman, it's US! All the focus becomes our pleasure. Who fantasies about pleasing someone else? We are addicted to self. We want to be the person who is 'blessed forever' and have people slave and serve us. Only God deserves that High place. (I think it goes back to the Saturday night session–just as worrying places the focus on how we will obtain our desires, the same is with lust–the focus is no longer on God, but on us and our pleasure.

As I stated before, the Sunday evening session I got no notes on. But I will say it was an awesome evening and I was thankful it didn't rain on us. After Joshua Harris spoke, Curtis Allen got up to do a rap concert. In my opinion, there wasn't enough rap, and no sooner had the concert started than Curtis stopped and preached a huge long message to rival Bob and Josh's messages the previous sessions. I wanted a rap concert, darn it! Anyways… Monday morning was all about Thankfulness. Here are the notes!

Psalm 33:1-22 It is a call to rejoice!
Our hope is not in earthly things–it is to wait/hope in God.
Our hearts can be glad in Him because we Trust Him! The fruit of trusting God==our hearts are glad. How do we do that? Again(just like Saturday night) we Delight in Him! The psalms are full of references to trusting God, so this topic has to be really important. One way to trust God is to give thanks with a glad heart. Paul trusted God more than anyone–because he thanked more than anyone in the Bible. Remember the story of Edward Spencer–Many years ago there was a shipwreck on Lake Michigan, just off the coast of Evanston, Ill. Students from nearby Northwestern University formed rescue teams.
One student, Edward Spencer, saved 17 people. As they carried the exhausted student back to his room, he kept repeating, “Did I do my best? Do you think I did my best?” The feat left his body broken, and he never fully recovered. Unable to go into the ministry, he lived alone, hermitlike, for the rest of his life. Years later, R.A. Torry was telling this story at an evangelistic meeting in Los Angeles when he heard a man in the audience calling out that Edward Spencer was there. Dr. Torry asked him to come up front to say a few words, and he made his way to the front of the room. After exchanging greetings Dr. Torry asked him if anything in particular stood out in his memory concerning the day of the rescue. “Only this, sir,” came the reply, “of the 17 people I saved, not one of them ever thanked me.”
WE HAVE BEEN SAVED FROM MUCH! Trust in God is a matter of the heart, but one practical way to show trust is to be THANKFUL!

So there are the messages. Now lets all hope my new LJ feature works!

July 8, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

Well, I'm making a major change to my life…

Well, it might not seem all that major to you all out there in cyberspace land, but I've decided, with much thought, to change internet browsers from Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox.
So far so good, and it even let me add a feature which makes editing my livejournal a snap! Look at all the cool smiles I can now use!!

Yes, I know I'm awesome!
Firefox has even made it a snap to add LJ-CUTS!!

Well, I'm off to go eat pizza. I'll write a real post sometime later tonight… wow is there so much I have to tell you all!

July 7, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

<b>Naruto to debut 9PM September 10th 2005 on Cartoon Network</b>

One of the most highly anticipated American anime broadcast network TV debuts in recent history has been given a confirmed date. The Naruto anime series first American dubbed episode will air Saturday September 10th at 9:00PM as part of the Cartoon Network Toonami block. Following episode 1, episode 2 of the series will air directly after at 9:30PM meaning Naruto will kick off with a one hour display. Cartoon Network will then repeat the full hour at 10:00PM. On Saturday September 17th the Naruto anime series will settle in to its normal broadcast timeslot of 9:00PM. Of course it is important to check your local listings especially in the Central timezone so you don't miss out on Naruto as it first airs! Following the regular time for Naruto will be One Piece and Bo-bobo.

July 7, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments

Just a new 'poem' I wrote

Recently for some reason I am having a very difficult time finding the motivation to post in my LJ. However, I did just create this poem, and it works well as a journal entry to hold you all over til I can write more.
Has anyone ever heard of Malaise??
Anyways, heres my poem. You can also click Here to read it, and as usual, if you can't comment on AP, feel free to comment on my LJ.

I didn't go to bed last night
I stayed up all night watching Frasier on DVD
and drinking water

For most of the day I was on the computer
looking at web comics, while
trying to decide if I should write a poem or two

I went to Alexandria with my sister to have lunch with a friend
we laughed and ate expensive hamburgers
while talking about my sister's impending engagement

Driving back home we listened to Backstreet Boys
and I tried to take a nap
while listening to my sister talk about her life

I am home now, bored as usual
all my online friends aren't online yet
I suppose my room could use some cleaning

I know I should do laundry
and I could go downstairs and converse with my parents
but I wanted to write a poem instead

July 6, 2005 Posted by the Nickness | Uncategorized | | No Comments