a poem I found on All Poetry….

I found this poem on All Poetry.com
It was on the featured list.
It really speaks volumes to me.
It has touched the corner of my soul

Past days
lay calmly
on a mixed bed
of regrets and sundered dreams

Swept
into a repression
that only time
unlocks

We gamble
with our future
knowing it depends
on the silence
of our past

Easing our bones
onto a bed
of smoldering acts

Will our past
stay buried
or will
our skeletons rise

to haunt
our sanity
forever and a day

All rights reserved, © Black Lace.

I screwed everything up

I haven’t done much the past two days..
watched tv, gone out with my mom to Food Lion for some food

I wish I could make things better.
I never wanted to hurt anyone, or to be bad for anyone.
I’m not allowed to contact any of Rhema’s family(not that I would… what would I say to them?!?!)
and I can’t go back to GCC until I meet with Bob

I want to meet with him, but at the same time I’m so scared….it’s not like it will change anything for anyone.
I’ll still be a sinner
I still won’t be with her.
and I’ll have to go to church every week and see her and remember all the crap I put everyone through.

Everyone that knows about this hates me. Not that I could blame them.
I should have just confessed a long time ago before everyone found out like they did.
But I was too afraid of the consequences. I wasn’t brave enough.

And now… this is how things are.

I know God still loves me, and I know that there is forgiveness.

Despite what people believe, I was never ‘in it’ for the stupid physicalness. I still love her. I still miss her. And I still want to be with her. Those things will never change for me.

But now, I don’t even have the luxury of hope.

I’m so selfish. All I can think about is myself.
I really do want what God’s best is for her–I just wish I was it.

I’m gonna go. I need to pray again.
~Nick
1 Tim 1:15