bah

Theres nothing really to say. I go back to work tomorrow. Thank goodness for Micron. At least going back to work will give me something to focus on other than my stupid sin and how much I messed up my life and everyone’s trust in me.

I’ve spent the rest of my ‘vacation’ pretty much doing nothing.
Whats sad is that it’s been almost a week since I had any contact with Rhema–the longest I’ve ever gone without any form of communication from her. And I’m going completely crazy. I keep thinking that eventually I’ll get used to it, and that with enough time she’ll just fade into the background of my memory–but thats just a fantasy. I know that the memories of time I spent with her(the good times and the bad times) are probably going to haunt me until I die. (yes, yes, I know: you think I’m being way over dramatic, but I’m not)

I’m probably going to go to Mosaic this Saturday night–it feels weird not having gone to GCC on Sunday or caregroup on Thusday, and I can’t just, not go to church for the rest of my life.
I’ve completely screwed up my entire life.

Raphael says I need to focus on reconciliation with God and not worry about reconciliation with Rhema(which I know will never happen), but thats easier said than done. God forgives people way easier than people do. And besides, even with forgiveness I still have to live with the consequences of my actions.
I wish there was a way to make us alright again.
I miss everything.

It’s funny how sin can completely kill everything that people care about. Wait a minute… I’m wrong. Its not funny.