An early Thanksgiving morning.

Wow. It's 4am. For a slight spin on things.. I actually have gone to bed–I just woke up early. I was so bored last night that I went to bed at 9:30pm!! How crazy is that?!?!!?

Anyways, heres something I posted on the Mosaic Community Forums:

I'd love to draw everyone's attention to the topic of parades. I know many of us watch the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade on TV, but this year, since many of us will be away from our TVs due to Thanksgiving Meal Deliveries, I thought I would point your attention to Anytown, USA and their annual Fall Float Parade.

For those of you who might not be familair with this town or it's float parade, it's an awesome opportunity to watch(and laugh at) how a small town sets up it's thanksgiving day parade.

A brief word of instruction–At the very end of this video, make sure you click on the question mark and the electrical outlet for an even greater(and funnier) look into the lives of these people. You will not believe your eyes! If they could set up a float parade, we could too! Who's with me?

Now, that being said…It is thanksgiving, and as such I am continuing my annual tradtion of listing the people I am thankful to.

First and foremost…
God: You totally rock my socks off. Its been an interesting year and you've been there with me through it all. Thank you for saving me from my sins and becoming not just the Lord and Savior of my life, but also my friend. We don't hang out nearly as much as we used to, which is something I'm working on changing. You are totally awesome and without you in my life, I don't even know where I'd be right now. Keep on being awesome Lord.

My Family: I am thankful for you all. My interactions with you all(yes, even with my father) over this past year have taught me alot about myself, and I hope in the long run we've all become closer. All thats left is for us to survive mom's holiday black and white VHS marathon and we'll have made it through this year without any un-nessisary deaths. hehehehe. Seriously though–I love each and every one of you, and I look forward to what next year has in store for us.

Bethany, Connie, and Laura: You ladies emulate Christ. All three of you are awesome examples of how true women of God should live, and I envy your closeness with God. I am truely thankful for my friendships with you, and I look forward to being able to hang out with all of you more often. Thank you for the countless times you've listened to me nag and complain, and for the God glorifying advice you've given me. There aren't enough words to express the special ways you three have touched my life. It has been said that our interactions with others help mold us into the people we are today. I would not be who I am today if it wasn't for my interactions with you. You spur me on in my relationship with Christ and I treasure our relationships more than any of you could possibly understand. Thank you.

Josue, Justin, and Rafael: none of you have Livejournal, but I am thankful for you three just the same. You three are the men in my life who show me how a true man of God should live. Your wisdom is simply amazing and I value our friendships highly. The accountability I share with each of you helps me to grow closer to God, and for that I am truely thankful. I look forward to getting to know you guys more this coming year. Thank you for being not just a friend, but a 'brother from another mother' (cause lets face it: we all share the same father!)

All my other friends: Each of you contribute to my life in some special way–many times encouraging me and making me laugh when I need it most. I don't speak with you all as often as I should, and for that I am sorry. I look forward to next year, and the things God is going to do in all of our lives. I am thankful for you all.

Well, I think that pretty much wraps up this years Thanksgiving list. I'm off to take a shower and get ready to deliver meals to cancer patients. I hope everyone has an awesome Thanksgiving, and if there are any left-overs, feel free to give them to me. I can take them to work with me and eat them for lunch

been a very slow morning

I'm about to leave to meet Justin for lunch… I think. First I need to call him and make sure we're still on. Then I figure I'll pick up my dry-cleaning, do laundry, clean my room, and relax til someone calls me with plans.

a quick update of my evening

I just got back from the weekly House/Boston Legal party at Laura's house. It was awesome. I ended up getting there early and bringing over Batman Begins to watch. Eventually Josue AND Connie showed up! Much fun ensued(though it turns out I think I'm the only one who actually watched both shows in full)and I was able to get directions to Josue's bonfire on Friday night. Thank God I open the store, or else I'd miss it.

Afterwards when Josue got tired and went home(and when the shows were over) Connie, Laura, and I talked about the Mo' forums and also why some guys act weird around girls at Mosaic. Then we talked about relationships in general. I think I kept everyone awake, and eventually Connie fell asleep and I kicked myself out so they could all sleep. Not everyone is a night owl like me. (sad, isn't it?) Yay for good discussions though, and although I'll never fully understand women, these 'deep' conversations definitely bring me closer to unraveling the mysteries of the opposite sex.(or, at the very least, help me understand my friends better!)

On a sadder note, theres no coed CORE tomorrow night at MAG, so apart from my meeting Justin for lunch, I'm completely free all day. If anyone wants to do anything/go anywhere/see anything, let me know. I'm all about any plans anyone wants to make.

Also, I'll probably go see the midnight showing of Harry Potter on Friday. Yes, I know many of you think it's stupid and of the devil, but I don't agree. It's entertainment. and I likes it. If you wanna go with me, just lemme know! I probably won't go by myself(I'm an anti-loser like that) so if no one tells me I'll wait til I can drag someone along.

a poem I wrote a while ago comes flooding back to me…

I can't belive some of the language I used in it, but it was a long time ago, and I figured I'd post it as is. Please, no comments about how bad it is. I was.. going through a small phase of it.

Who am I?
Where am I going with all this?
What's the point in speaking sometimes,
When I have nothing more to say?
All I say is the same old bullshit,
Blame everyone but myself.
I say it,
But I don't mean it.
The only person I blame for the way I turned out,
Is myself.

So who are you to tell me what I feel?
And who are you to give me advice?
So just because you were beaten,
So just because she was raped,
So just because they were robbed of their soul,
That somehow gives all of you the right
to ignore my pain, and to no longer console
Just because you're life is more fucked up than mine,
My feelings don't mean shit all of a sudden?
My words don't have depth and my tears are forbidden?
Well fuck You!
You hear me?
Fuck you and your answers,
Fuck you and your contradicting lies,
Hypocrisy is our way from the cradle to the grave
And hypocrites are all I've seen through my life,
There's always one in the mirror staring back at me,
My life is just another contradiction too.

But I still hate you all,
The fucking whores of society,
The rapists of my soul,
The loved ones who should be executed,
Just so I can claim a piece of shattered my life,
So maybe I can feel that all this pain I feel,
Finally has a reason for existing.
There's nothing worse than feeling depressed,
Than feeling depressed for no reason.

“I am hungry and lost
Within this brave, new world
I am scattered and tossed
Among this sacred society
I am scared and confused
In this era of technology
I am mistreated and abused
In this age of conformity”

Yeah, I don't know why I'm posting this. I wrote it a while back. I just had the urge to post it. I promise the next time I post any of my poetry it'll be all the 'good' stuff that I have on All Poetry.com

In fact, if you're really bored right now, go ahead and click that link–go read some of my other stuff. Let me know what you think.

I'm gonna go. Theres the usual House/Boston Legal party at 9pm I gotta get ready for(and yes, I do realize it's not even 6. Thats how… weird I feel right now)

a season finished, a deep revelation, and a new song

I just finished watching the 6th season of Frasier. It was much fun. Almost makes me wish I had bought it for myself and not for my mom, lol. Season 7 comes out Nov 15th. You can bet I'll be at best buy with money in hand, waiting to get my laugh on.

On another, more random note– a friend asked me tonight if I had a girlfriend. After saying no, she asked why. I then proceeded to stumble out some stupid answer about my divorce quickly followed by the usual quote of Section D, #2 of the AG position paper on Divorce and Remarriage.

I'm sure some of my friends who were there(and have heard it before) are probably getting tired of hearing it. Heck, I'm getting tired of stating it. And upon further thinking of it, I've come to some 'deep' revelations about myself.

I really do desire to get married again and have a family. But I think because of the total failure of all my past relationships, I've started using that position paper as a 'safety net' of sorts–as an excuse to not ask anyone out or show romantic interest in someone when I think there is potential for more than just a deep friendship, because I am very afraid of being rejected.

Does this revelation change anything about me? Not yet. At the moment I am in no way, shape, or form ready to be in a serious relationship, no matter how much I may desire one. And when I am ready–well, who is to say that being re-married is even what God has planned for my life? If it is, I know that He will work it out for me to be remarried and be a pastor. If not, I need to learn now how to be content with what God has given me, instead of focusing on those things that may have the potential to tear me away from him.

It's gonna be rough. Heck, it's been rough already. Try as I might, this brave face will only last me so long. But I know God will lead me through.

I end this entry with a song I heard on the radio today. I found it quite mesmerizing, and I know it's destined to become a favorite of mine. Tonight it is my prayer.

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing the wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

Here I am at the end
I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand and make me whole again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Here I am once again
I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again

You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

a 'quick' rundown of current events

Ok.. so heres a quick rundown of current events. My apologies to anyone who's visited my journal recently and been disappointed with the lack of updates. This should make up for it. It's fairly long, and I'm not using LK-cuts, so.. be warned.

* I no longer work for Micron, instead I'm back to working retail in Sterling. It's really awesome, and this Sunday and Monday and I are driving down to Fredricksburg(along with all the other store managers and asst. managers) to stock and open a new store. Yay!

* I'll have my own apartment probably(God-willingly) by Jan. 1st. Dad gave me til March 1 to move out but I really don't want to wait that long. Plus, as soon as I have my own place, I can have people over whenever I want without worry about my dad, and I can start hosting the Men's CORE meetings. It's no use having the gift of hospitality if you can't use it.

* Speaking of Men's CORE–Justin asked me today over lunch to help him lead the Men's CORE group, assuming my new work schedule permits me getting Thursday nights off. In fact during lunch we planned and went over tomorrow night's meeting. It's gonna be awesome. Rafael also emailed me about being a Mosaic Forums Moderator. I knew the email was coming, but it was still great to see it in my inbox. I love the MCF!

* Prayer Labyrinth is this Saturday at MAG instead of Mosaic. I can't make it due to work, but you should definitely come out and visit the rooms and pray. I spent some time today printing pictures for it, and we have another meeting tonight at 9pm. Chances are I'll be at the church all day tomorrow helping set up for it.

* Turns out Bob and Kim never connected before Pk moved back to WI. So now Bob wants to talk to another Pastor about the 'situation'. I told him I'd contact him when we have a replacement for PK, and he said that was fine. Yes, it keeps being dragged out, but it looks like I have no choice in the matter. The sooner we get another Young Adult pastor, the sooner this thing ends.

* In case you didn't infer it in my last 'point', PK is now officially gone from MAG. Sadness! I am definitely going to take a road trip down to WI to visit him and Jenny and attend one of his services. And ofcourse, I can't drive to WI and not make a pit-stop at the MOA so I'm sure some shopping with happen during my trip as well. Anyone wanna join me? Let me know so we can start planning.

* It's a new month, and like I said oh-so-many months ago, each month my LJ gets an LJ theme 'make-over. If you're viewing this through your Friends' page, click here to check out the themey newness and let me know what you think!

* I've been thinking about making my LJ friend's only. I want to be able to go deeper into detail about my life/thoughts/dreams/fears/etc and I really don't want the whole world(or any pyscho stalkers) reading about it. LJ gives free accounts to anyone, so any non-registered users just have to sign up and request that I add them as a friend(but at least then I'll know who has access to my info) What does everyone think? Any 'yays' or 'nays' on this subject?

*Heres a Sinfest comic to wrap this post up.

I've rated my life…

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.9
Mind:	7.5
Body:	5.5
Spirit:	10
Friends/Family:	3.5
Love:	5
Finance:	7.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz