The Life of the Nickness

So out of the blue my sister tells me she'll give me $100 so I won't have to sell my stuff.(dont worry, all you people who I've made deals with already, they're still on) What's weird is that she just gave me like, $300 a month ago. Awe… isn't she the best though?

Oh, and I really need to share this link with you.

Click it. Turn your speakers up. Laugh.

Simon's 'surprise' vet visit left me in the hole. I say 'surprise' because the visit was supposed to be free, just a checkup, however they gave him shots and stuff without even asking me. Then, when I asked if they were just going to bill me, it was 'oh no, you pay everything now'

grr.

So…if anyone wants to give me the money, thats cool, but I am selling stuff at my apartment. I have lots of dvds and boxed series. (I'm selling all of them except for House and Smallville)

I also have an unopened box of Quickverse Deluxe 2005 worth $300 if anyone really wants it.(I'm willing to haggle as well)

So help me out, will ya?

Well, Simon's first night at the apartment went really well. and came over to see him and chill and relax. Melissa even brought him some toys(which seem to be his favorite!) , , and my brother also stopped by for a little bit.

It was alot of fun! Simon is very energic and played for a while, but when Mel and I sat down to watch Dane Cook he sat in between us and slept for a while. Sigh. Dane Cook is funny. “Your move, Holy man!” Hehehehe.

After Mel left Connie and I ordered a Harry Potter movie from ONdemand and just chilled while Simon stretched out on the couch even more and slept even more. We didn't even make it through the movie. About halfway through, at about 1:30am, I had to send Connie home so I could properly fall asleep. Thats when it got interesting. Simon woke up and couldn't decide where he wanted to sleep. For a while he was under my bed, and then sometime during the night he jumped up onto the bed and curled up between my legs. When I woke up I found him in his now *usual* spot on the couch with *his* blanket.

Now… he was watching out the window but he's back to the couch. LOL. It's great. He has his first vet appointment on Monday at 10:30. Anyone wanna come with me?

I gotta get ready to go to the Mosaic Video Scavenger Hunt. It sounds like it's going to be alot of fun!

And now, because I'm so nice(and I promised) here are some pictures of Simon, compliments of Connie's cell phone.

His name is Simon, hes way cool, and he's now living with me.

Pictures to follow.

My boss gave me Sunday and Monday off of work.

Thats so awesome!

Shelly, I know you have no idea what a livejournal is, but I’m giving you ‘mad props’ on here anyway.

Seriously folks. Shelly is wicked cool.

And my vacation was just extended another 2 days! Woooohoooo!

I’ve typed an email to Rhema’s parents as well as her pastor about being ready to get together and reconcile. It’s been sitting in my ‘draft’ box for about a day now. For some reason, I can’t seem to bring myself to hit the ’send’ button. Am I afraid? Am I not ready? Maybe I need more time. But it’s already been over nine months. Still, I want to do this right, with confidence and boldness that I know comes from God.

I’m going to pray more. Something doesn’t feel right-and I don’t want to ‘rush’ this and meet with them before God’s timing. Peace and reconciliation are awesome things, but when done in my timing and not in God’s, it can totally suck.

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.

My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.

I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.

My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.

I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.

Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.

I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.

I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.

For I said, “Do not let them gloat
or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.”

For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.

I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.

Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.

Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.

O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.

Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.

I read this and felt like posting it. I’m not really sure why. I also…updated one of my previous posts. And it has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do thus far in this situation.

So it's almost 10pm. I've had a very awesome day so far(I even almost called carmax to check on the oil leak!), and I plan on continuing it by staying up all night and watching the final season of Fraiser.

You know, for some reason when I watch it I get the distint feeling that I'm Fraiser and my brother is Niles. I wonder if the relationship with my dad will end up being like Frasier and Martin's once I'm in my mid to late 40s. Gives me something to look forward to, I guess. All that needs to happen is for my dad to get shot in the hip and for me to become insanely famous and offer to have him live with me. Hahahahahaha.

And also, whenever I watch it in a marathon-like style, I always seem to pour myself a glass of pop, sit back, and sip it as if it were some expensive wine.

Yes, I am weird.

But I'm a good weird, and you all know it.

One more thing to note: I still have JCB stuck in my head.

At this point I am really looking forward to my second vacation at the end of July when I go to FL with my family.

I am very happy to have all this time off of work, but I need to think of something…constructive to do, that doesn't waste alot of money.

Maybe I'll start writing more articles for the Mo newsletter, so I can keep a good amount stocked up for whatever the theme may be(since the first issue hasn't been published yet, no one has sent me any real letters yet)

When I woke up this morning the dorky JCB song was in my head so I had to get up and watch it. 'Don't forget your shovel if you want to go to work!' Hehehehe! It's so great!

I still need to watch/finish Epic. and I started it like, 4 months ago and I've been dying to finish it. Watching him really makes me want to go buy a few of his books, but then I remember that it won't be as cool as the movie, cause I'll be the one reading it. Hahaha.

Core group went well last night–we talked about the 9 qualities of a leader found in Titus, and we decided we're going to turn each of them into a week long study. Yay! After that, I really want to try to convince Daniel of finding a book for us to go through with the guys-I think he's a we bit hesitant, but when I started going and we were reading “When People are Big and God is Small” it went really well.

Anyways, I'm off to vaccuum my apartment and try to figure out how to fix the blinds that broke in the spare bedroom. Grrr. Stupid blinds, I smite thee with all my smiting powers!

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Don't ever forget that you are worth so much in God's eyes.

Thats a line from today's Easter service. Sigh. It was awesome. Whats even better? Mosaic has finally put up some sermons online for us to download, and I've recently 'discovered' that MAG has done the same(shows how much I go to the MAG website, huh?)

There are so many times that I really get really excited and hyper when I hear the word of God preached, and I want to shout amen but don't because I am afraid of what people will think. It's a small thing, but it means I haven't fully conquered my fear of man. God is still working in me though. And for that I am grateful.

He also just brought to my attention(through some recent conversations with some friends) that while I have no issues giving to missions and supporting missionaries, my heart is a little hardened whenever someone brings up the idea of me being a missionary. Pastor Barry always used to tell me “They need CE pastors in Zimbabwe too!” and I would just laugh it off telling him that someone else was meant to do the 'going' and I was meant to do the 'discipling'. I wonder what I'm afraid of? I think it may be a comfort zone issue. I used to have such this broad worldview, and ever since moving back to the states in '97 I've only left the country once, and that was a missions trip to—England. So maybe it's a comfort zone thing. Or maybe it's a 'telling people about jesus' thing. I really hope it's not. Why be scared to tell people about Jesus, and what he's done in my life? Does it all go back to fear of man? Someone once told me that fundamental to being a Christian is fearing God in a way that translates to doing the right thing no matter what the cost. The disciples and apostles were bold and powerful when they went out; to the point of suffering and dying for the sake of spreading the Gospel. I should be desiring to go to other places and tell others about Jesus, yet I hem and haw with excuses about bills and work whenever anyone brings up me going on a long term missions trip. Grr. How is it that Bethany and Pamela and Justin can go do these things and I can't? Not that I'm comparing myself to them, but it does make me question how they can do it when I so clearly try to avoid it. Something to add to the prayer list, I suppose.

In other news today (yes, yes, after that long rabbit trail rant)…

Connie, Josue, and I picked up Pamela from the airport today. She just got back from her mini-missions trip to Kazakhstan. We all went out to dinner, and got to hear some cool and funny stories about the trip. It was fun. Afterwards Jonathan and Laura met us and we were all going to see a movie, but nothing really looked that great so we all went home.

I work 5am to 10am tomorrow, and then I'm off work(on vacation) for a whole week. Yay!

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”

An AIM conversation I had this morning:

[10:02] dutamus777: how about… you meet me at 12:30?
[10:02] SmileRowland: call me after to see if I'm already on the way
[10:02] SmileRowland: ok
[10:02] dutamus777: 12:30, by the chapel?
[10:02] SmileRowland: ok
[10:02] dutamus777: bring the pipe
[10:02] dutamus777: lol
[10:02] SmileRowland: what pipe?lol
[10:02] dutamus777: you know.. the game of clue
[10:02] dutamus777: nick and connie
[10:02] dutamus777: by the chapel
[10:03] dutamus777: with the pipe
[10:03] SmileRowland: but who's dying today?
[10:03] dutamus777: death
[10:03] dutamus777: [10:03] dutamus777: and sin
[10:03] SmileRowland: nice
[10:03] dutamus777: :) [10:03] dutamus777: isn't it?
[10:03] SmileRowland: yep
[10:03] dutamus777: think about it Connie
[10:03] dutamus777: [10:03] dutamus777: Jesus died for our sins
[10:03] dutamus777: and he rose from the dead today
[10:03] dutamus777: how awesome is that?!?!?
[10:03] SmileRowland: i've already heard the sermon - that's why I said…nice
[10:04] dutamus777: i havent been to big church in a long time
[10:04] dutamus777: how is it?
[10:04] dutamus777: ahhh!
[10:04] dutamus777: God so rocks my socks
[10:04] dutamus777: i mean. wow. he is awesome
[10:08] SmileRowland: he certainly is
[10:08] dutamus777: :) [10:09] SmileRowland: and He, The Lord has risen!
[10:09] dutamus777: he has risen indeed
[10:09] SmileRowland: amen!
[10:09] dutamus777: and amen

All in all today hasn't been a bad day.
But I've gotta get up early for work tomorrow.
Soon my vacation will start and I'll be able to go a week without thinking about perks, credit cards, and world vision.

As for right now, it's time to read my Bible, do my nightly devotions, and head off to bed.

Easter is only 2 days away.

All day I've been thinking about how today is Good Friday. The day Jesus died for my sins. Wow. Let that sink in, will ya? You know what? I've changed my mind. After my Bible reading my and nightly devotions, I'm not going to bed. I think I'm going to watch 'The Passion of the Christ'.

He died for our sins today, so many years ago.

But watch out death! Just when you think you've won…

Easter is coming.

My King is coming.

Amen and amen.

I love her.

BIG EDIT: Theres no way that I love/loved her. I might say it, and really really believe it, but if you look at how I treated her when we were together, theres no way that a rational person would come to the conclusion that I loved her. My actions towards her did not emulate 1st Corinthians 13. As for my current 'I love her' statement, that remains to be seen. True, I have deep affection for her, and we have chemistry and compatability, but I haven't been given the chance to relate to her in a way that might show whether or not I love her. I don't even know if I'll ever even get that chance. I hope I do, but theres no way to tell for sure, and infact if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that I never will get that chance. Yes, this epiphany was hard to accept, and even harder to type out for all of you. But you all left alot of comments, so you deserve to know my conclusion of all this.

What is public school teaching us these days?
When I was in high school, I took a drivers education class. You know what it taught me? Road signs. They wouldn't actually 'teach' you how to drive unless you already knew how(and then whats the point?), and they sure as heck didn't teach me about re-newing stickers and registrations and inspections.

Well, sometime the beginning of this week, I went out to my car to find a citation sticker on it for not having good tags. I made a mental note to pay it, and ask my mom about it later. The next day I come out to a BIG YELLOW STICKER on my car saying it's parked illegally. Grrrr.

So this morning I drove my car to my mom's house, and my mom decided to come with me and teach me the things that I should already know but no-one bothered to tell me. All it all it went really well, except for some minor issues. I shall…recount the adventures for you
My car passed emissions, but didn't pass safety inspection! Among the list of fails: brakes on front tires, light bulb, and windshield wipers. Among the list of 'be worried about this, but it's not necessary to pass inspection': brakes on back tires and major oil leak.

I'm sorry, I just don't understand that. My windshield wipers are a hazard to my(and other peoples) safety, but a major oil leak isn't? Yes, I understand if it's raining and I don't have good windshield wipers on my car I could hit someone. But couldn't I also hit someone if my call stalls or just..stops working in the middle of a busy intersection or highway cause the oil is gone?

Anyways, to make a long story really short, we take my car to Sears for them to fix everything(except the oil leak, cause they don't do that) Cost of fixing everything? $700. Yeah. I don't have that kind of money. I got $400 from Micron 401k that I didn't want rolled over to my own IRA. So driving back to Sears to pick up my car, I tell my mom this and she states–well, your father and I decided for your birthday we were going to give you $700. So lets just pay for your car and that will be your gift. Of course, I am way more than happy with this–God provided me the money! Yay! Of course, I am…not so happy that I had to use birthday money that I technically didn't even get yet. And I realized this happens alot–whenever I somehow get extra money, something bad happens to my car and it steals it from me.

So thats the car story. On to the DMV trip!

Because the emissions passed, I got to go to DMV to renew my registration and get new decal stickers for my license plates. Turns out–get this–I couldn't get my registration renewed because DMV suspended my license without even telling me! DMV made a BIG mistake and somehow forgot to contact my car insurance company(which it is their job to do) to make sure I had insurance on my car. When the system didn't see any insurance, they suspended my license! What if I had been pulled over by a police officer? I would have been in MAJOR trouble. Lucky for me, I called my car insurance company, and after explaining the situation to them, they were really upset(seeing as how I've ALWAYS had coverage on the car) so instead of filing the financial report the DMV wanted me to, they faxed them a mean letter. Which seemed to take care of the problem, except that I still had to pay $45 to get my license un-suspended! And it was their fault! But no, there was no talking out of that one. Lucky for me, the DMV lady I got was really nice. She helped me out, and even renewed my driver's license(it was almost time) so now I have a new license with a new picture! Also, I was somehow supposed to give them my birth certificate so that all of this could be done, but we didn't have it on us(it's in a safety deposit box in my bank) so the lady–how do I say this?–fudged some numbers for me.

That kinda completes my story. Tomorrow I go back to get my car re-inspected, and I go over to the courthouse to pay my car tax fees and get some city stickers on my car.

Sigh. One of the best parts of the day was this evening, when my mom and I went and saw 'Take The Lead'. It is…an awesome movie! Definitely solidified in my mind that I am having dancing at my wedding and I am taking dance lessons as soon as I get my second chance with Rhema(assuming I even get a second chance, LOL!)

And now this post has come to an end. Happy dreaming everyone, and please, don't pay any attention to that monster under your bed. Just make sure you don't…hang an arm or a leg off of your bed or I will the monster will eat it.

How do you earn back trust that been so completely shattered that you can’t even see or associate with any of the people whose trust you need to earn back?

This is…beautiful

Always On Your Side

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin’ only traces of the man you thought I’d be be
Too afraid to hear the words I’d always feared
Leavin’ you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn’t how it’s really meant to be
No it isn’t how it’s really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I’m left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I’m always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it’s really meant to be
No it isn’t how it’s really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin’ me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Do you ever think about the future? What do you see?

You. I see you.

I just caught up on livejournal news and discovered I get a ton more userpics. So I'm anxiously searching the web looking for the perfect ones for me. I'll be trying them out over the next couple posts, so feel free to tell me what you think.

I work noon to close today. Oh joy.

But until then, today has been a cleaning/organzing day! I'm doing laundry, picking up the kitchen, vacuuming, and going through the mail. I have health/dental/vision insurance now! The cards finally came in the mail! Yay!

I also called Provident and found out they sent me my check last week, so it should be here soon. Thats an extra $400 that can be used to pay something off. LOL.

You know, ever since moving into my own place I had my doubts about alot of stuff, but now it seems like everything is coming together nicely. That said, I think I'm still going to look for one of those 'illegal roommates'. I'll probably charge anywhere from $500-$600 a month, and that will cover everything. It'll help me save ALOT more money, which is really good (duh) because eventually I want to buy my own house.

In other news…

Last night was the first night in a long, long time that I slept for eight hours without waking up. 1:00am til 9am. Sigh. Peace and assurance from God are awesome and powerful things. As for right now, theres really nothing I can do about the situation. I've just gotta let God do his thing, and patiently wait til he tells me the time is right.

I'm off to dust my foosball table.

nickness OUT!

I'm on day 5 of 90 for my Bible reading.

Everyone wish me luck, lets see if I can keep up with it!

No sooner than I get home from work(which really sucked except that I worked with my sister and shes so awesome) and I sit down at my computer do I get a voicemail from Nilsa telling me to get my butt to Laurita's(Rafael's sister) house to hang out and watch Memoirs of a Geisha.

Sigh <–thats a good sigh.

Last week I felt so…unwanted by my friends, and this week they can't get enough of me.

Yay!

I just got back from Mosaic. Wow it was so awesome! First off, everyone was commenting on how good I looked(see pics in last post) and asking me if I had lost weight(I have no clue, but my gut does look smaller!) So that made me really happy. We didn't have a potential pastor speak tonight, instead we had the missionary in residence from Bangladish. He's a pretty awesome guy. He spoke on Luke and the Good Samaritan, only he used coke/pepsi bottles to 'illustrate' the story. Lemme tell you-he's quite the engaging speaker. Afterwards it was the normal free food and talking to everyone I hadn't seen in a while, as well as meeting some news guys and getting the chance to know them and invite them to Men's CORE this Tuesday night(where our new subject is being a leader)

Afterwards, Connie and I were gonna go see a movie(Take the Lead) but Carson invited everyone over to his house so I ended up going there. It was: Carson, Kevin, Matt, Josue, and myself(for the guys) and Connie, Stef, Abby, Nilsa and Jess for the girls. We played some xbox and made jokes about everything and anything under the sun. I was so proud of myself, when they sang 'Row, row, row your boat' I actually stood and saluted in the direction of my apartment(where I keep my cuban flag!) LOL. I also discovered that Abby plays Kingdom Hearts. Shes stuck on a few parts, so I gave her some pointers(I don't think Matt is into the game that much)

We ended the night by putting cake frosting on Connie's nose while she slept and taking pictures of her rubbing it all over her face. Ahhh. Good times.

Now I'm home, and no one is awake to talk to. And just a quick rant-I went into the spare bedroom to close the blinds and they broke! Oh no! So now I need to figure out how to fix them.

In other, unrelated news–I tried fixing my razr phone. It still doesn't work(stupid washer!) so I think my 'move' back to the LG1300C is going to be permanent until I save the money to buy a new phone. Only, thats very low on my priority list right now. At the moment, I'm saving up to buy a kitten!

I should get going. I get to train the newbie at work tomorrow, and I know it's going to be a busy day.