Some webcam fun!

So I'm about to leave for Mosaic, when I realize I think I look really hott. Then I think: I haven't had any webcam fun lately!

Enjoy the pics. They're behind the cut.

What hurts the most

I miss my friends. I can’t wait for church tonight.

Just to be able to come together and worship God, learn about Him, and have fellowship with the people that mean the most to me.

I have…alot on my mind. I’m sad. I feel hurt, betrayed, and angry. Why can’t I let this go? Why would God put desires for someone in my heart who doesn’t want to be with me? I was perfectly fine in my ignorance of certain things, and then she had to visit me and break open my heart. She had to tell me she never really loved me. We talked for four hours. Four hours! We would have kept talking if i hadn’t have walked her to her car and told her to go home. Why? Why did I even let her go?

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

I’m crying now. And not just because of her. Because of everything. Because I’m a sinner. Because I am so not worth redemption and yet Jesus died for me anyway. Because every time I think about the things I’ve done to her, I realize that the last thing she ever needs is me in her life, and yet the thought of being without her rips me apart inside. Dear God, show us whats right. Show us what you want for us. I don’t want to take another step without knowing that you want me to take it. Lead us where you want us to go, and take away these feelings if I’m not supposed to have them.

Sigh. It needs to be 6pm already.