The Life of the Nickness

Hanging out with my friends

Carbs

My old youth pastor

Toby

Minneapolis

old skool ztug.net

Simon

Passion…

Dear friend,

I’ve been thinking about you lately, wondering how you’ve been getting by. I have the feeling that you are hurting–Something’s telling me inside. These words are coming down from heaven, I hope they’ll make you realize:There’s so much love He has for you, more than you can comprehend! He is standing at the door, He’s hopin’ you will let Him in. He can wipe away your tears, give you strength to carry on. Through these hard and painful days, He will help you find your way, find your way back home. In this letter of love.

Dear friend,

I wish that you were with me, words come easy eye to eye. But since the distance separates us, let Him hold you when you cry. There’s so much love He has for you and a peace you can’t describe. So that’s why I’m pouring out my heart on this page you’re reading now. What I have I give to you, I can’t keep it all inside. Like a river to the sea, His love is flowing out of me: the love of Christ I share with you in this letter of love.

In this letter of love I’m writing to you I pray you’ll make peace with God and start anew. If you would give him your heart your life would change. He’s reaching out–Yes, God has open arms for you…in this letter of love.

Dear friend,

I’ve been thinking about you lately, wondering how you’ve been getting by. Dear friend, for you I am praying, that you’ll accept the love of Christ.

Dear friend…

My Friend.

For those of you who don’t know already, I got the job at Five Below. Yay!
Weird thing though: Because of the end of the holiday season, and the start of their inventory weeks, I’m not starting til Jan 14.

So. Two more weeks of ‘vacation’ to get my life in order before I go back to working full time.  Which is perfect, since I’ll be using those two weeks to really pray and think through the past year of my life and where my opportunities for improvement are.

Happy new year everyone.

Ever since I was introduced to Regina Spektor this past march, I’ve always been able to rely on her music as a catalyst for my emotions.

I love how music(in general) has that ability. How it can draw you inside of it and stir up so many emotions, some of which you didn’t know existed, or thought were long dead.

One minute you can be happy and carefree, but listen to the wrong song and your emotions can do a 180 quicker than you thought possible. They say your sense of smell is the greatest sense that can recall a memory, but for me I think it may be my sense of sound.

I can listen to a song I haven’t heard in years and remember every word, and be able to recall certain people, places, or things in my life that I’ve associated with that song. Not only that, but lyrics in songs I’ve never heard before cause instant recollections of the same, causing me to associate the two together.

Anyways(the above was a HUGE rabbit trail), back on track to my girl Regina. Her song Samson(which I must say I fell in love with before the rest of America caught on) is awesome. Read the lyrics here and think about what the song means to you before reading my thoughts.

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I was thinking about time travel recently, and that question popped into my mind. (yes, I’m a dork)
I mean, we know time is linear, not circular, so we can’t travel back in time. The best we could do is observe the past.

But… if I could go back in time, what would I change? Anything? I’m sure if I thought hard enough, I could think of many, many things. But then I would be changing myself, since who I am today is influenced by the events I’ve experienced. (I won’t even go into the idea that those changes might lead me to not even create a time machine, therefore creating a horrible paradox that could destroy the universe, or at the very least myself)

The scary thought? What if the me of the future has already gone back in time, and the life I’m living now was the best Future-Me could do?

What kind of crazy messed up life must I have lived?

Or worse still…what if I was living the perfect life, but arrogant Future-Me thought he could go back and make it even better, yet succeeded only in completely screwing it all up?

Damn you, Future-Me!

I wish I could fall with style. Usually I just fall. I’d think my time spent in Elementary School tumbling would have helped me fall and be cool about it, but lets think about this–if I ever really fall, I am usually wearing ice skates–I gotta be careful I don’t cut off my leg or arm with those things. Speaking of which, I really need to learn how to ice skate/roller blade/roller skate. I think it’d be fun, and instead of walking places, I could roll on wheels. Oh oh! And what if, I make a giant roller skate, one that doesn’t go on your feet, but one you can sit on? and it could be powered by electricity, or gasoline or something. And maybe even put lights on it incase you want to sit in your giant roller skate at night. But I’d have to come up with a better name than “Giant Roller Skate.” Something shorter, more classy. Lets see here….”automobile”… Hmm, that’s a nice word. I think I’ll call it an “Automobile”

What follows is something I found on my website (www.ztug.net) that has been there for a very long time, but I thought that maybe by posting it on here, more people might read it and benefit from it. It was written by a friend of mine.

What is the greatest struggle for one who loves Christ? If it’s not everyones, it sure is mine. My greatest struggle, I would have to say, is self denial. How can I walk in the love of God if I’m so full of self. God’s love is selfless. He laid down His own life for us. How great of power belong to the one who can say with all truth, “I was crucified with Christ.” A complete death in Christ only means a complete resurrection in Christ into the fullness of life. A fulfilled life can’t come without a fulfilled death. We all must be able to say just as our Lord did: “It is finished!”. All the worrying…”it is finished”. All the cares….”it is finished”. My boy problems…”it is finished”. My girl problems…”it is finished..I’M DONE!”.
Sometimes I get so irritated and worried because of things in life. And when I do, I know I need to go to the cross because my flesh is not fully dead…my death is not fulfilled. You see, you can’t bother a dead man. No matter what you throw at him, he lays still. Why? Because he’s dead! Pretty simple, huh? It actually is. Remember now, you cannot live a fulfilled life until you first come to a fulfilled death - death to self that is. How long will you waver? We must die daily. Dying to self is a decision that will be tested. It’s not a process. To say it is a process is to make an excuse for your wavering and staggering faith (confidence, full trust) in God. As easy as you can get up to get a drink when you are thirsty, you CAN die to yourself. To live is Christ, to die is gain. If you don’t have peace and your life is not fulfilled, try dying. You see…God is not trying to improve us. He’s trying to remove us. No one can live this life better than He can. After all, He’s the maker of life.
When you allow Him to live in you and through you, He has your best interests at heart. If you think for one moment that God is out to curse you, you certainly do not serve the God I serve. It was His intention to bless you and all of mankind since the beginning. In other words, He wants to hook you up. Look in the Book of Genesis. After He made man, it says that He BLESSED them. Notice how He didn’t try to kill them. Base your life on this Kingdom principle and you will begin to find fulfillment in all you do on this earth.

All of self…none of God

Less of self…more of God

None of self…ALL OF GOD!

May The Lord bless you and keep you as you sincerely seek His face!

My King was born King. The Bible says He’s a Seven Way King. He’s the King of the Jews - that’s a racial King. He’s the King of Israel - that’s a National King. He’s the King of righteousness. He’s the King of the ages. He’s the King of Heaven. He’s the King of glory. He’s the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that’s my King. Well I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don’t try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament show His handiwork. My King is the only one whom there are no means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shore of supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. Well, well, He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere. He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s imperially powerful. He’s impartially merciful. That’s my King. He’s God’s Son. He’s the sinner’s savior. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He’s honest. He’s unique. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He’s supreme. He’s pre-eminent. Well, He’s the grandest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He’s the supreme problem in high criticism. He’s the fundamental doctrine of proved theology. He’s the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That’s my King. He’s the miracle of the age. He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. Well, He’s the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He’s strong God and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory. He’s the master of the mighty. He’s the captain of the conquerors. He’s the head of the heroes. He’s the leader of the legislatures. He’s the overseer of the overcomers. He’s the governor of governors. He’s the prince of princes. He’s the King of kings and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King. Yeah. Yeah. That’s my King. My King, yeah. His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Well. I wish I could describe Him to you, but He’s indescribable. He’s indescribable. Yes. He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. I’m coming to tell you, the heavens of heavens cannot contain Him, let alone a man explaining Him. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hands. You can’t outlive Him and you can’t live without Him. Well, Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilot couldn’t find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him. That’s my King. Yeah. Praise the Lord. That’s my King. Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We’re around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but it’s God’s power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? And ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you get through with all of the evers, then, Amen.

~~S. M. Lockridge

I remember once when I was in Bible College we had to write a paper about the call of God on our lives. You know that calling that God puts on our lives that matters most. There was a different answer for each person in that classroom. Many callings sounded the same at first glance, yet each rang with a distinct difference–each person had a passion; a longing; a burden for someone or something. And God had placed that passion; that longing; that burden; in their hearts.

I remember our paper was supposed to be three pages in length, and that mine was only a little less than a page. I couldn’t get very far past my opening general calling:“to know Jesus and make him known.” The reason I didn’t receive an “A” was because my calling was too short. Looking back I kind of laugh at that, how can a person’s calling be too short? Any calling that God gives a person is a great thing. I still remember my specific calling. It has been a while since I have given it thought, but it has always been on the backburner of my mind: to become a CE Pastor of a church and teach people about God. Granted, You don’t have to be a pastor to teach people about God, but I know God wants to use me in that capacity.

I’ve always had thing passion to teach, when I was younger I wanted to become a teacher–I vaguely remember being taught by someone that ignorance is never an excuse. When I became old enough to understand the things of God and the Bible it seemed only natural to want to teach to others what I had learned.

I remember one night after a youth service I was praying about what to do after I graduated high school, and a friend of mine came up behind me and started praying for me silently. After we had finished praying, he looked at me and told me that he saw me teaching people in a church. I really liked the sound of that. I had been struggling with that to do with my life after high school, and my friend, without even knowing about my struggle, had provided a solution. It could have been just a coincidence, but I took it as providence. Since that time God has greatly increased my desire to teach, as well as to learn. I read constantly, wanting to learn as much as I can. I listen to sermons whenever I’m online (God bless whoever invented the internet) in order to gain some insight from a Bible passage I might not have thought of before.

I remember explaining to my youth pastor one day what I felt God had called me to do. I remember telling him something like “Its great we go into other countries and tell people about Jesus, but someone has to be there to disciple them once we leave” He kind of laughed and told me he’d never really heard of anyone being called to be a Christian Education Pastor before. That startled me. Evangelism is great, but if no teaching, no learning, no discipleship happens once the evangelist leaves, then what good is it? It’s like leaving a baby in the world forest with no provisions and telling them to fend for themselves.

I don’t want to do that. I want to teach people, disciple people. My mom describes everything that happens in life as a learning experience. What better learning experience is there than to spend time with and learn about the Creator and Savior of the Universe?

As I am typing this I feel anxious–I wish I was already back in Bible college learning from those who know more and have walked farther in their Christian life. This isn’t the first time I felt this way. In high school I wished I could have just graduated early–not to just be done with school, but to hurry up and get to the schooling that mattered to me–those classes that would teach me the things about the Bible and about God that I didn’t know.

Back to my calling: Looking back on that class, I guess I could have elaborated on what I felt God wanted me to do with my life. If I could do it all again I probably would. What matters to me most–knowing Jesus and making him known. That’s the most important learning experience a person can have. It’s an experience I want to share with as many people as I can.

(note: yes I realize this probably should have been my very first journal entry, but the following was written down in a notebook and I just found it a few days ago)

“Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.”

Introduction

Yes, this is my notebook. Mine to do with whatever I please: write in, draw in, spit in, and plan my hostile takeover of the world in. Ok, ok, maybe not the second one. I don’t draw that well, so I’ll just take lots of pictures. If you’re reading this, and it’s typed-yeah for me! That means I finally got around to typing it on my computer. If you’re reading this and it’s handwritten—you must be either me or my girlfriend (Sabrina Shevitz) these are the only people allowed to read this in its pre-final form. And if you’re reading this Sabrina, MWAH! I love you. You are the best girlfriend in the entire world.
But what exactly is “this”? I’m not sure. I really enjoy writing (although the police didn’t find my bomb threat that enjoyable) and one day (04/02/02) I just got really bored and decided to create this “thing” I’m not sure what it will turn out to be just yet, so I guess if you want to know you have to keep reading.
A little about me: My name is…I’m not sure! I go by many names: One Foot, 5-fingered Nicky, Chef Nicolae, or just plain Nick. You can call me any of those you want. I told the government that and you know what they picked? Nicholas Christopher Clark. How unoriginal. That wasn’t even one of the choices. But you know how the government is, they just don’t care about you; Unless, of course, you owe them money. But even then, you don’t talk with them, oh no! You chat with their good buddy Satan. (Otherwise known as the IRS)
But enough about that–I mean, I could go on about the government, but who wants to read about really exciting government conspiracies? Ah, who knows? Maybe later I’ll write about a few of them. On to the original subject: so now you know my name. Don’t forget it, for one day it will be famous. At the time of writing this I am 18 years old. In two weeks, I’ll be 19. Pretty darn cool, huh? I go to a great college in Minneapolis, MN– North Central University. It’s a great Bible school, and for me wanting to become a pastor, that makes this place close to Heaven.
————————————————————————————————————

Wow. I actually remember writing the above. Strange. It was written over a year ago. Back then my life was happy. Now it is anything but. I guess that was my first attempt at some kind of way cool journal. Too bad I stopped it, or maybe I would have some sort of idea what happened. Remember Sabrina, “the best girlfriend in the entire world”? Well, she and I got married. Now (08/30/03) we’re separated, to be divorced in Jan of 2004. I no longer go to college in Minneapolis. I had a heart attack end of the school year, my grades dropped, and they kicked me out. I ended up going to another AG school in PA—Valley Forge Christian College. I hated it there. The only good thing was my job—nope, no longer Chef Nicolae, now it was asst. dollar tree manager Nick. Of course, I said that was the good part. And it was; while it lasted. Then I got married, decided to take a year off of school. Wife convinced me to move back to Manassas. Now I work as an asst. manager of a blockbuster video. It is still the only good thing about my life now. I feel like I have no purpose. I feel like I am living someone else’s life. Like my life is really back at North Central, and I am dreaming all of this. But I know this is real. Pathetic, but real.
What a life that I have, huh? Now for the question of the day—do I try to just sum up my life, or do I journal it every day? Hmm…well, since I have transferred this writing into the livejournal, I guess there is little else I can do save write down my life for future generations of people to laugh at and mock me.

So I couldn’t sleep. and I’m still bored. You would think I would have like, all this fun stuff to do on my day off. lol, not the case. I should go over levi’s–play ps2 or shoot some pool. Actually, yeah, pool sounds fun.
I should go to the gym too. If I could find the key. excuses excuses.
So jonathan left for competition today. No, not cheerleading competition, for those of you wondering; but for some computer competition. I hope he wins. Then maybe he can pay me back al the money he owes me from the prize money he gets (assuming there is prize money)
At least I’m his best man at the wedding. I gotta come up with some really great speech. Love, relationships, eternity….fun.
Love and War…. kind of describes the world. I think it may be the title to a book too.
I should brush up on my greek.
Or maybe have Levi teach me farce.
Yeah, that sounds like a better idea. I’ll learn farce. Then I can chill with all those people from Afghanistan.
Mmmm. Pizza. Pizza is italian. But I bet you all knew that, huh? Ok, so I’m bored and probably writing just to hear the damn sound of the keyboard. I think I’ll listen to some music…..hmmm what to choose? Christian or non-christian? There was a time in my life when that wasnt an issue. I wonder why it’s an issue now? I mean, I know working full time and not going to an AG college has changed me, I’m just not sure how.
Dang it Wendy! Why aren’t you here when I need all these deep philosophical questions answers?? Stupid Valley Forge. Another black hole of the universe. Good thing I got out—-just to get sucked in to the other black hole–Manassas.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever should have left Minneapolis. Ha, but I had no choice, school kicked me out. But still, I could have gone back. Back, to the future!!! Ok. I’m rambling. I’m going to go.

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. “You don’t have to tell me,” I said. “I’m off the team, aren’t I?” “Well,” said Coach, “you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you’re wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.” It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that’s when I felt the handcuffs go on.

OK, so it’s my day off. I am tired. I am bored. I got home last night at 12:40am, the earliest I’ve been home in a while. Got some weird phone call from a girl named Brittney(sp?) I don’t even know a brittney. weird. Ok, so I’m going to go back to sleep.
By the way, my diet’s been doing well(thanks for asking) I’ve lost some weight, but I still have a lot more to lose before december. Which reminds me, I need to go take my daily aspirin
You all have fun. I’ll leave you with a deep thought.

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let’s say you’re an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he’s not Dracula, but you just say, “Think again, bat man.”

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like “Hey, look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I used to post these sayings up on my college dorm room…. my old roommate darren and the rest of the guys on my floor used to love there, so here i go again………

“Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it’s head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.”

ok, thats all for now! See you all later